i go here and piss myself laughing.
every. single. day.

fog of war
barbarian invasions
emma
shall all keep my alpha waves moving and shaking
and illinois keeps me moving and shaking. period.

two mornings now in a row
i have been coerced out of bed prematurly for food communion.
courtney and i did max's deli yesterday and i have now eaten the largest sandwhich of my life.
this morning lisatootoo and me went for 3 dollar breakfast.

hmm what else. yesterday was also a nice little family gathering in richmond.
we sang the doxology in place of saying grace and i always love doing it with this crowd.
a wonderful mix of gernerations and thick, experienced, weathered voices.

i'm so sick of going to the grocery store.
i'm sitting here, starving,
but i won't do anything about it beacuse
i'm sick of going to the grocery store.
thats right people,
i only shop 1/2 hour ahead of time.
i will not change.
i will eat out tonight.

sufjan was
incredible.
such a beautiful person.

if i can say this on here
i am incredibly and disgustingly
gassy
the last 24 hours.
last night was this weird place in the states called izzy's
and tonight was stuff your face for cheap at chinatown night market.
and its all not sitting well.

now i am going to crawl into bed
with my new h.potter book
and a glass of flavored water
that i thought was carbonated when i bought it.

well jo the incredible has secured us floor seats to the sigur ros show.
which i'm told are quite hard to come by at this point.
good goin jo.

i also went and procured sufjan stevens tickets for me and my sister.
they are now very real in my hot little hands/wallet.

also
upon the threat of my poor, dead little nissan axxess being towed
for being poor and dead and lacking the current insurance sticker
(which is a entirely other story)
i got brilliant and tacked the acutal papers to the back winshield.
BRILLIANT.

and the lovely ms mol and i have secured our plans for communion whilst i'm in ottawa.

what a good day.

sigur ros is coming and i can't stop being excited.
even though i only found out about 2 minutes ago.
man september is going to be a good month.

caught a peter lagrande show down at regent this evening.
beforehand for greek food with friend vania.
all very good.

ugh
i just had to move my large ass vehicle out of the building parking lot beacuse they are roofing or something tommorow and need the space for garbage..
the steering is totally gone and aparantly, after four monthes of sitting around, so is the battery.
so blair and his bruteness helped push that neutraled baby onto the street.
and now i'm all worn out.

life feels promising...
like the goodness and delight of life is lingering just outside my pericieved self loathing.
and i got the ok from my boss to spend a week in ottawa/montreal in september.

and courtney came over and we watched tv.
and fed our addicted selves more jj bean. such a beautiful addiction.

michelle brought over the last two missing parts to my new platform bed.
now i feel like i'm not poor girl so much.

and sunday was this great antidote to an overwhelming sense of lonliness i had on saturday nightm causing me to drive out to chilliwack at midnight.
my brother and sister and i were up until 4 am talking about life and stuff..
and it was cool
connecting with these rad people
who have the incredible ability to fill the unique strain of loneliness.

holy fuck people
september tenth
lets just say
i'll be in montreal.

child number two cut his lip
during the same time of day he chose to be clingy and dependant.
hence,
my clothes and i now look like we've been on a minor killing spree.

lessons:

one: never, ever openly mock any music you hear playing in long and mcquade.
it could pretty much be anyone's, even the guy standing next to you, looking at sound gear.

two: a bird sitting on the ground is pretty much set in his ways, and is probably that he won't be moving for you. even when your tires roll over his unsuspecting body.

tonight's adventures included
running out of gas
five feet from the entrance
to the gas station.
stephen came at 12:15 to rescue me with his brute strength and compassion.
we pushed the heavy little tercel into the gas station
and i put 9 dollars in.
its my own fault,
testing the limits of how far the thing would go..
how long it would run with the little orange light on.
now i know.

peter did a fantastic show at lugz coffee tonight.
the show was called sad songs,
and man,
there were some sad songs.
there was this one that had the line,
"i can't bear to see you up there in white.
so i throw out all of pictures of you and i,
and vow that i'll stay away"
..regarding a best friend/soul mate really, whom you love, but never tell...
then she got married to a mutual friend, on his birthday.
SAD.

happy 30th michelle.
your party was rockin.
they always are.

if you have long hair, you should never wear it in pig tails.
unless they are the little bun/knot kind.

if you a person who jumps on the side of cynisism more oftan than not,
you should not wear pig tails. bun/knot or other.
unless you are snowboarding.

congratulations lisa on getting into cap.
in one hour and one half we will surprise you with a nice party.
please don't read this before then.

congratulations dave. and corina. you got married.
you kick ass.

congratulations julie. you are employed again. as a nanny.
thats great julie. way to go.

i did this about a year ago and it needed a good update. pip pip, cheerio.

if my life had a soundtrack...

Opening song: glory box- portishead.
Waking up: friend -ana da silva
First date: i'm a wheel -wilco
First kiss: anthems for a 17 year old girl -broken social scene
Falling in love: plasirs d'amour -emmylou harris
Seeing an old love: a case of you- kd lang
Heartbreak: i cry everyday -shelby lynn
Driving fast: lack of color -death cab for cutie
Getting ready to go out: sister - sufjan stevens
Partying with friends: mike, aaron and eddie- haiku d'etat
Flirting: une annee sans lumiere-arcade fire
Walking alone in the rain: mahler's 5th symphony, movement 4 (adagietto.sehr langsam)
Missing someone: rock and roll -ryan adams
Playing in the ocean: reuben- be good tanya's
Summer vacation: wildwood drive -maplewood lane
Fighting with someone: my poor old heart -allison krauss
Acting goofy with friends: go go go joseph/joseph's coat- andrew lloyd weber
Thinking back: both sides now -ms joni mitchell
Feeling depressed: all the diamonds in the world -bruce cockburn
Christmas time: silent night -shawn colvin
Falling asleep: demons and dust-bruce sprinsteen
Closing song: ostrachis and chirping -elliot smith

shopping for squash seeds with katie. 

blah.
went to ikea with michelle hier soire.
my sister was over for the rest of the day.
today i have to be at the church at about 4ish.

i'm feeling, in the ballpark of, hopeless.
like i'll never get a job
and i won't have money for june rent.
i've been mostly good about dealing with this
but as i sit here
i'm feeling mildly freaked out.

odd 

breakfast 

sun 

hatch 

ugh.
i just got up.
didn't get home until 6am this morning.
buying lamps turned into band practice,
band pracitce into church,
church into scotch, wine and pizza on the patio
that all turned into beer and U2's zoo tour
which led to hyperness..
so we went back to the new church space
and jammed until 5am
and stumbled home.
damn musicians
can't live with em, can't live without em.

there's this guy that i run into once in a while
and everytime
however flippantly
says or does something that makes me say
shit. who are you?
and its not like i forget about him
but i never quite remember those instances
so i'm blown away afresh
everytime i run into him

call me intrigued.