there has been some badgering from some corners of the world,
and i was thinking about it today,
that henceforth, i'm going to make more of an effort to photographically document goings on here.
i think i'm, mostly sub-conciously, a little conciously, averse to carrying my camera around and whipping it out..that somehow it takes away from me just experiencing. and somehow too, not wanting to paint an unrealistic picture of life here.
because on a bare level, thats what it is for me. just life. just life? hmm.

i guess i should confess that i'm not experiencing paris to it's fullest. i can blame this and that (exaustion, stomach flu, no funds), but i think i'm doing what i tend to default to. which is lay low, make time go by holeing up on my own.
but in being here, is something. something bigger than i'm currently embracing it as.
and i'm wasting it. wasting me.

these were my thoughts today, smoking out the kitchen window, after giving it a pretty decent scrub down (except the floors. still have yet to purchase a damn mop/swiffer thing). i'm not living. i'm letting. it took me a long time in vancouver to acknowledge the same things, but by the time i did, i had a solid, amazing amassment of people in my life. i turned myself from a recluse into a host. which was a huge thing. maybe not recluse..but anyways.

even though i don't have the same amassment, or a person, i need to break out. choose..something.
for now, that something is taking more photo's intentionally, intentionally being creative. using that eye. we'll see what happens next.

confused by the previous post?
don't worry, it's to enter a contest. to win a rug!! seriously.

so i bring to you today,
things that i'm happy about.

1. the coffee machine in my metro station has a 'caramel cappacino' option. only 1.20.

2. i just found out that i'm getting off three hours early tomorrow due to american thanksgiving. i'm going to see harry potter matinee!

3. the bakery downstairs. well its a love/hate thing. amaaazing bread, but always sold out by the time i get home. i kind love that i have to strategize to get bread though.

4. cheap medicine at the pharmacy. i've either food poisoning, or this mysterious 'gastro-intestinal 24 hour thing'. either way it's wreaking havoc on my middle section. and my temperature levels.

5. i was going to write earplugs, but they end up giving me a severe headache in the morning after wearing them all night. gah. so not earplugs. still hunting for fall asleep quickly idea's.

6. bacon.

7. impending mail for my mailbox. 202 rue du faubourg st-martin, 75010, paris, france

8. buddy miller's new album in the new year.

oh look at how that floor is bare.
i sure could use a rug right there.

well looky here looky here.
i just found something very cool.
in vancouver one just opened up a little while ago by the faux bourgeois...
a drop in sewing cafe!
with tuesday night knitting workshops!
and the best bit, is that it's in my neighborhood.
so now i think on tuesday's i'll be knitting.
and once a month they have an all day class where you can make one of their patterns with one of their instructors.
yipeee.

anyways.
super stoked.
pip pip.
talk soon.

yesterday i met people.
real people actually talked to me!
then i cried.
the strength of the emotion surrounding it blindsided me a little.
i went to a service called verticale, put on by the fonderie,
which is the church that had piqued my intrest before arriving in paris.
turns out they don't have regular services,
just this once a month thing.
BUT.
BECAUSE PEOPLE TALKED TO ME
i was able to find out about a tiny little artistic church,
with real musicians,
that meets every week.
you guys. my hopes are freaking high on this one.
i cannot wait to go and check it out.

churches here have been pretty disapointing.
one was super old school evangelical..i caught myself wincing a couple times.
the other which i also checked out yesterday,
was RAH RAH!! we're hip!
we have a ten piece band!
and none of us are over 24!
nor do we have any musicianship whatsoever!
the funniest thing was that whenever anyone prayed,
(everything was in english and french)
their voice automaticaly went into this southern drawl.

you guys i'm looking for people of the heart.
which reminds me,
i've been reading jean vanier's becoming human (again)
and its killing me.
i miss mosaic something fierce.
a living out of the reality that we're all very broken.
bu broken together. and somehow it's gorgeous.

a list of things that they have in france, but not in canada. that i love.

1. butter with sea salt crystals
2. a kick ass public transportation system.
3. baguettes
4. pain au chocolate (i know it might seem like you have those last two in canada, but i assure you, you don't)
5. dijonaise. mayo! dijon! it cheap and dirty sqeeze bottles. we prob have that in canada actually.
6. FANTASTIC 4 dollar wine bottle at the grocery store.

a list of things they have in canada, but not in france (and are the worse for it).

1. MOPS. oh my god.
2. peanut butter
3. cheddar
4. sourdough
5. dryers
6. washing machines that take 1/2 hour. (2-3 hours a cycle here folks)

my body has lots of good robaxacet in it right now.
oh ya. going to be a good sleep tonight folks.
which hasn't really been happening these last few.
its the first time in a long time that i've only had one pillow at my disposal,
and its wreaking havoc on my neck and shoulders,
causing a terrible headache during the day.
ah, first world problems.

single bachelor boy has no mop.
let me tell you just how severly the kitchen floor needs mopping.
i asked him if he had one somewhere,
and darn'd if there wasn't a word for mop in french!
trying to describe,
we finally came around to the idea of cleaning the floor with bob marley's head.
also no chef's knife.
cutting up vegetables with a paring knife blows.

darned it also if
coffee from a little metal pod, that you put into your machine,
isn't a really, really good cup of coffee.

came home from a long day,
to a good supper,
and a perfect chat with a much missed christoph.
he's in LA for a guitar conference or something,
and is going to the house of blues tonight.

this robaxacet is makin me feel so good,
i might skip watching an episode of man men tonight,
and go to sleep! yeepee!

bisous.

i'm incredibly happy to say that finally i've a home.
i've just arrived not a half hour ago,
and in the process of rearranging everything,
sorting out this and that, getting myself aquainted.
tedious, but wonderful.
(i oddly enjoy this bit, knowing that when i'm done,
i'll have a space. a sanctuary of sorts)

i had to sit and write to tell you all though.
my address is
202 rue de Faubourg Saint-Martin
75010 Paris, France

i'll double check to make sure thats all that you need, you know, to write letters and things. :)

it's been a long month, and i have to thank you for the prayers and good thoughts, because it got me here i think.
i hadn't though it would be as hard as it was,
but i look forward to figuring out what julie looks like this side of the hard part.

so i'm here.
and home.
and thankful. incredibly thankful.

how are you?

my temporary roomate is making what she calls a savory cake.
right now i'm smelling bacon.
cake? bacon?
call me intrigued and excited.

a lot of stuff on my computer is randomly showing up in french these days.
like the blogspot log in page..
once i logged in, it's all back to english..

ok.
so while i still need prayer prayer prayer,
i wanted to express gratitude too.
i'm not homeless.
i'm not home..but i'm not suffering.
i've got a wonderful person putting me up, for a somewhat reasonable price,
this place feels homey.
she has also said that i can come back after i head to cannes next week.
so this november 1st deadline, while still something that i'm working towards,
is not the end.
if i need, i can come here and keep searching for a permanent place while i work.

and she's fantastic. kind, generous, easy going, loves friends and making things, reading, thrift store hunting..
she's also a massuse. hoo BOY!

i'm living in a bit of peace.
the gross sense of desperation has abated,
and i really feel held and somewhat directed.
there are still two apartments that i'm really, really hoping for,
but it's not with the stomach turning panic of last week.

i'm going to cannes.
south of france. cote d'azur. awesome. jacuzzi.

i would like to find something, if i'm meant to, before i go, beacuse it will be quite hard while i'm there.

i've found the beeesssstttt bakery right here in little africa.
when i'm feeling sorry for myself and/or a little extravagent,
i'll go and buy a ham and cheese baguette sandwhich. at only 3.80..it's not shabby.
i can't even describe the baguette.
it's the perfect crispy, chewy, most WONDERFUL thing.

i have a dream of getting a library card.
oooo. english books.
guess what? there are none here!

ok to all my praying friends.
here is where i stand in paris.

1.
there are currently three apartments that i'm waiting to hear about,
all three i think i have a pretty good chance of getting.
but the dilemma is,
while i'm waiting to hear,
do i keep working like a dog to set up more go-see's,
or relax and sleep?

2.
i can just barely afford the damage deposit for each place at this point.
which of course leaves the first months rent.
i'm praying for something miraculous. can you too?

3.
guess what.
for 4 euro's, i bought a baguette, a liter of milk, half a pound of coffee grinds(*), 6 eggs and a carrot. pretty good hey?



* omg the first person to send me some jj grinds wins the lottery. (i haven't seen any grinders here..maybe i just havn't met the right coffee loving people yet.)


so i'm now in my second week long lodging. last week was with this older crazy lady called lotilde. sweet as anything, a christian as it turns out, but a little loopy.
i'm in my second day here at sylvie's. a young 30 something zen addict WHO IS LEARNING HOW TO BE A MASSUSE AND NEEDS TO PRACTICE. boo ya. i've already had two. she is super lovely, very sweet and helpful, and her home, unlike lotildes, acutally feels like a home. i find myself prone to flopping on the couch and watching bbc, or writing blog posts. and it feels so good.

ok. i probably miss you if you're reading this.
seriously sheree, pictures of henry. stat. the tooth.

one night of a good cry,
AND I'M BACK IN THE GAME.

really good day today.
really good.

the last 24 hours have been really hard.
all i'm doing is expending myself at the computer,
sending out so many emails,
and so few reply..
and then the ones that do,
there are 30 other people to see the same apartment.

i hit a wall last night
after being excited to see a little loft share that sounded so promising.
i showed up and it was truly a shit hole.
a mattress on a floor, and disgusting.
490 euros a month.
i had a hard time holding it together on the metro home.

its just that to keep spending money for temporary accomadation,
is leaving me less money for damage deposits and rent.
i don't start my job until the 3 of november. so no income until then.

feeling a little better this morning.
but it's a little harder than i thought it would be.

people keep asking me what my first week in paris is like.
and really what they are wanting to hear is about the magic of it.
but today as i left the apartment to get some eggs,
i was thinking how my answer,
if truthfully from my heart, is not so positive and shiny.

i find myself not really wanting to leave the apartment.
i feel glued to my computer in hopes of catching the elusive perfect apartment.
i don't really know anyone, so i don't feel like just walking about..
because then i'm just wondering whats going on in my inbox.

there is a grocery store really close by,
and i've been there a few times.
i did the classic parisian thing the other day,
where i bought a ham and cheese on baguette,
and at it sitting in the park overlooking the eiffel tower.
ooo and then i took the metro to this store i'd heard about,
and promptly fell in love with a 750 euro coat. daaaamn.
i entered that echelon for shoes a while back,
but to enter that for clothing is a whole other ball game.
we'll see. i do need a winter coat..

so yes.
it's six o clock on saturday night.
i ran out once to get eggs,
and thats it.
but its not that i feel bad about it,
or bad that i'm not out and doing something fabulous,
i guess it's more that i'm surprised this is what life looks like right now.
and feel bad relating that back to friends.
but i mean, whatevs. i know they don't care.
i just feel weird telling them about the non-fabulousness of it all.

and the supermarkets smell soooo weird,
but you can get a huuuge bottle of beer for a euro and some change.

oh yes, and my job that starts in a couple of weeks,
yes well they are taking me to FUCKING CANNES with them on the 24th.

alors. je suis la.
i have a french phone number! how cool is that?
i've never had a foreign number before.
i'm staying with a woman who specializes in taking 'first week in paris' cases.
she charges a little more on the expensive side,
but with the pre-departure panic setting in, i contacted her
to ensure i had somewhere to go from the airport.
it's lovely.
if it wern't for the darn building across the street,
i would be able to see the eiffel tower.
we went for a walk to see it tonight,
though pompously i'm not much one for tourist sights.
give me the people and the culture.
and the coffee.

after one day, the metro feels old hat, i got the hang of it pretty easy, which aleviates some stress pour moi.

i'm spending good portions of the day refreshing craigslist, and apartment websites.
hunting, hunting, hunting.
i believe that it will be provided.
my friend lindy said she was praying especially for that,
"in a way that a mother would".
i'm clinging to that. it also makes me very teary.
it's unbelievable to me who i've walked away from in vancouver. ugh.

the most amazing thing i've eaten so far was a puff pastry pie with herb cream cheese spread on the bottom and then loaded up with pan cooked zuchini. simple and divine!

and now, my bed.
it's midnight here.

i'm living at courtenay's.
today is sunday and on tuesday i fly.
wtf. what the fuck. welcome to france.
this last month seems to have been
a whirl wind of this and that.
this last week...man, what happened.
i'll tell you what though.
i've the most amazing friends in the entire galaxy.
last weekend, chris hosted a full on
turkey dinner for FUCKING FIFTY,
and turned the living room into a stage...
everyone i know played.
the sheree plett experience, jonathan inc,
stephen toon, this old mountain, odegard.

wednesday four came around and helped me
scrub my apartment clean, until one in the morning
(if you count the midnight foundation stop).

friday morning breakfast at the odegards.
diiirty breakfast. with kento's benny's, yum.

last night at mosaic was a treat.
stephen came out to do music, full on band,
and hoo boy. rocky rolly.
some gorgeous gifts, and words.

this afternoon, a girls tea at brittany's
which i'm really looking forward to.
bones, mandy, jord, britt, sher, court and me.
i might cry at this one.

oh lord the crying.
it's everywhere. i feel like i'm constantly
reining in huge torrents of emotion.
and i'm exausted from that.
i can't even let myself cry a little, or wa-hatch out.
i was over at chris' yesterday afternoon,
and lay down on my old bed, and started crying. sheesh.
there is just so much crying.

i'm off this afternoon, before tea,
to go and get my phone unlocked. awesome.
bye.
see you from france?

hello, hi, how are you?
i'm fine. a manageable level of stress.
which i accounted for back three weeks ago
WHEN I FUCKING DECIDED TO FLEE THE COUNTRY ON A WHIM.

it's crazy. i've nearly everything at this point that getting a visa requires.
i think the only things left are the ID photo's, the cover letter, and the insurance (which i was to get to today, but they were closed.)
the only brutal part is that, at this point,
i'm showing up there with not a lot of funds.
but i have to keep reminding myself
of the providential flow of this entire operation,
and that when i feel deep peace,
it's with the mantra, it will work out.

i've had unbelievably generous offers from friends,
including access to a student line of credit
("oh there's no way i'll use it all. let me know"),
a goodbye/pass the boot party
(which, to the people i've mentioned it to,
have been really, REALLY excited about it),
and just yesterday the sweetest text message
from mr. odegard which has had me smiling all day:
"seeing you last night reminded me that i'm going to miss you.
i'm sure you've got other parties planned,
but i want to have one for you.
all things julie-
dirty sausage rolls, hot guys,
f-bombs going off everywhere and innapropriate amounts of booze"

right??? how awesome.

i'm just thinking how,
as i've entered this stressful thing, but this grand and glorious thing,
i don't think i've ever felt so loved and cared for.
it's like i made the decision,
and my whole life around me wove together the vehicle to get me there.
hurrah! i'm teary!

smooch.

WHOA-HO-HOA!!!!
come to mama.

um, HURRAY for this guy.
i'm so thrilled that i came across this dude's blog.
it's been unbelievably helpful.


things are coming along.
two weeks until the consulate appointment.
things will be downhill after that i think.
except for the getting rid of apartment and contents..
oi.

MOVING TO PARIS.
OCTOBER 1ST.

the checklist is crazy long of things to do.
big and hard and expensive stuff,
little small and tedious stuff.

quit job: check
give notice to apartment: check
request letter from provincial medical provider: check

flight, insurance, and visa...still no check.
also 6000$. no check.

i believe i believe i believe!

big things afoot.
risky, scary, pants shitting-ly big.
but if it works,
and at this point it's a large if,
could be the most worth it i've ever experienced.

tom said last night,
in life,
you may regret not taking enough risks,
but you will never regret taking too many.

i just deleted that last one because it reeked of irrationality and emotion.
most of what said stands true,
and i'm still looking into what i said,
but i'm not sure i'm ready for just everyone to know it.
cheers!

whoa.
it's only noon.
which should sum up nicely the rough winds of the morning.

not 10 minutes in, a full fledged tantrum regarding my presence,
"i don't WANT YOU HERE. you're RUINING MY MORNING"
this kid is like milady from the three musketeers.
you know this one?
an impeccable woman of society, the manners, the humor, etc,
and with hidden huge veins of anger and malice coursing through her.
scorned once, she goes and asks the cardinal to eliminate the gent.
aiya. a four year old milady.

late for tennis this morning, because the oldest couldn't find his runners,
but instead of looking for them with me,
continued to argue about wearing his flip flops.
OMG. his head was lucky to remain attached.
so racing, racing,
drive off in a huffy hurry,
only to discover once at the club that i cannot find my wallet.

sit uneasily through olivia's lesson, while the boys play crazy squash with a friend, and as soon as she's done,
race home,
look everywhere, the house, the car, the shed..nothing.
i'm seriously about to heave ho the ugly sob.

still frantic in the front yard, i see a bit of yellow walking towards me.
i look up and it's the gentleman from across the street in the orange house,
who, along with his partner i've always wanted to talk to, and get to know,
and he's holding my wallet.
he'd picked it up after it'd flown off the roof of the car.

i tear up and make a blubbery thank you and introduction blah blah.
and lovely him,
instead of being abhored at my tears,
looks at me like he'd wrap me up in his arms.
i'm crying as i write this
because i know now that it was god.
everything all wrapped up,
lessons, comfort, blessings,
there he was.



writing is CATHARDIC!!!

i really, really, really, really,
want to get this set one day.
i'm undecided if i should just get the whole thing in one go?
or should i hunt, one by one, until they are all mine?
how gorgeous will these look on a shelf?
ugh. awesome!

this evening i have a grandiose plan
to clean my apartment
whilst listening to edith piaf
drinking gin
and smoking cigarettes.
i may have to put my mad men dress on
to make the whole thing perfect.

today i woke late
had breakfast late
enjoyed the globe and mail
walked through gastown and downtown
and bought some broccoli.
i've declined two invites for tonight,
so as to just be in my own space.
i'm really, really, looking forward to it.

someone told me the other day that
paris is the place to be
for a single women in her 30's.
thats me! ...almost.
the person told me that
there is something about the city, about the age,
about that time in your life,
that weave together something altogether magical.
i'm really looking forward to this.