today i got my very first bunch of flowers.
i've never gotten flowers before.
i was so happy i walked around all night like a beauty pagent person.
a girl in my gr12 care group brought them for me..
the one that i thought i didn't know how to handle (she is very hormonal).
so it got to me. very aware of the presence of god.
its quite humbling.

i sit i sit.
i cut up a pair of socks so that you can't see them when i wear certain shoes.
but i have to wear socks cause my feet get entirly too moist.
it was a sacrifice.
them socks bore it well. an honorable death.
i watched a movie about southern women who drink. yaya.
then i talked to katie about the genius of empire records.
and store bought icing. "now's your chance.. RUN RUN!!"
my names not f'n warren.

stepping back is the only route to clarity.
and clarity is the key.

there are not a whole lot of things that are better than finding leftover turkey in the refridgerator
i gobble gobble it up.

the lord your god is with you,
he is mighty to save.
he will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing.
zeph.3.17

today i went down to bellingham.
as i drove though the border heading south,
i honestly feared a cavity search if i had breathed incorrectly.
they opened doors, asked me ran.dom questions, glared some.
they had trouble closing my back hatch.
its tricky.
suckers.
i'm guessing it has something to do with orange alert.
maybe they thought my polaroid had bomb stuff in it.
but then canada border killed me too..
'uh that'll be $800 in duty please'.
all for the successful quest of finding a fabulous pair of black pants.

i had these great plans to be in bed by 10 since i have to be up at 730.
but then i remember that i have zero clean laundry.
so tommorow would have been skirt day, except my legs arn't in top hairless form.
so i'm waiting for the 2nd load to be done in the washer and then i can throw it in the dryer and be done.
and i really don't like fake people.
i tend to/ always harden myself towards them.
its not very loving of me, i admit.
but boy they frusterate me.
ah look at me on my pedestal. geeet off.

well i was reading some stuff tonight.
and i kept thinking about the humanity of jesus.
he was fully human.
when we go through trials and such,
our god is not a god, who from the mountain top ahead of us, is saying
"come on, i know you can make it- think of how great its going to be
when you get through and make it up here"
we have a god, who step for step has experienced exactly what we feel
and says
"i know baby, i know. keep talking, cause i relate..."

she never sealed the cracks
she was so full of cracks
but i'll never look back....
but she finally crumbled from those cracks.

and in my selfish hand, I held the mortar.

i like driving at night. possibly my favorite time to drive.
but not when there is a so much traffic.
so many freaking bright lights coming at you,
in your review mirror, side mirror. all so bright and flashy.
it drives me banana's.
flashy flash, flashy flash.

so wet.
flip flops were obvioulsy foolish.
oh hindsight.

hung out with my gr 12 coolies.
we made cookies and watched 'blue crush'
minimal expectations, but it was pretty decent.
and because i have an aversion to noticing these things recently, pretty crazy camera work.

since i was now set in the mindset,
i drove some girls home to jack j.
that boy has the gift for a good beat.
and so now, if anyone asks,
i'd be all about moving to hawaii
become a little surfer girl. yeehaw.

so this week is coming along rather hectic...
my amazing friend heidi is putting on a wedding
for these kids who we met through some christmas stuff
decided they wanted to be married before the baby came
so thats this friday.
i'm the photographer.
heidi's gotten a caterer, a pastor (she married well), gifts, even a dress i think
i can't believe her. she's quite amazing.
all in the last 48 hours.

and here i am re learning the same things i thought i got a year ago...

pride is such an illusion.

save your body
save your hair
save your skin
don't go to saskachewan.

jesus being god
is the perfect picture of who god is.
jesus, being man
is the picture of perfect humanity.
to find him, to meditate on him
is to find god
and our own true selves.
~rich m

i once thought all these things were so very important
but now I consider them worthless
compared with the priceless gain of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.
counting it all garbage, so that I may have Christ. philly 3.7/8

I am still not all I should be
but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing
forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead 3.13

and
for reasons unbeknownst (??!!) to me,
our house has become a breeding ground for those little microwavble pasta dishes.
and i have become their queen.

i went to toons.
and forgot my scarf.
my neck is going to fall OFF.

oh but i did get a pair of socks back.
thats so great.

i got home from work about 5. and have done NOTHING.
all bloody night.
scratch that, i threw in some laundry which made for some trips up and down the stairs.
i'm out of my mind numb right now.
i'm thinking that i'll take a shower because when you are cooling off from it,
its is the exact same process your body does when it goes to bed.
its tricky trickery.
but it will work and i will go to sleeeeeeeep.
tommorow i have children who will vie for my attention and patience.
i've got to figure out a way to get a hair cut.

two nights ago i made a platisine sculpture of the state of my heart. as per the objective of the group building game. i knew instantly that what i needed to make was a shell. nothing else occured to me even once. but when it came time to share what our creations meant- mine was the only was that wasn't cut and dry christian. someone even said "wow, thanks for being able to share that" and i thought, is it so deep? was i expected to create a sailboat, representing god being the wind and directing me where i should go blah blah? good grief- it seems to me that, generally, there is a lack of vulnerability. not that i'm poured out for all to see- i suck suck at being vulnerable (dargatz, love). but i guess its more obscure that i thought. everyone's got pat struggles to confess, but really, if you want to love and be loved, to know and be known really then we've gotta learn to put some of ourselves out there.

today i went to work with my hands smelling of dog.
its not that i don't wash my hands..
such a smell comes not easily off.

and not too many people lied blatently to me about no tax.
it worked well for me.

and now i'm off to view mighty mighty aragorn.
again.
i'll come back later and write some more, ok?
ok.

it is possible that that god says every morning, 'do it again!' to the sun; and every evening 'do it again!' to the moon. it may not be automatic nessesity that makes all daisies alike; it may be that god makes every daisy seperately but has never got tired of making them... the repitition in nature may not be a mere recurrence; it may be a theatrical encore". chesterton chesterton

"i was at a city wide youth rally, and one of the pastors at the meeting said "we need to tell these kids about jesus so that they'll stop getting pregnant, stop doing drugs, and doing all these things". and i thought "wow, we need to tell these kids about jesus beacuse jesus wants them to know about him. it has nothing to do with thier sexual conduct or with the management of their bodies and minds. it has only to do with god so desperatly wanting us to know that he loves us and that he incarnated himself-he became jesus- so that we can know that."
~rich m.

alright.
the other night i wrote a whole long thing about worship.
and then somehow it didn't get published and was lost FORever.
in my frustration i have not written again.
until now.


well this is going to be anticlimatic.

ha. there is nothing really that i want to say.
i think that burger king is a seriously overlooked eatery.
whoppers are AMAZING. jr. whoppers are only 99c. thats insane. so much goodness, for so little cashola.
listening right now to beth orton... ooooooo. so wonderful. check out god song.. and thinking about tommorow.
for those of you who love me, fear not, for i will be near you.. with a burned cd on hand containing this fab. tunes.
speaking of tunes.. toons.. tunes.. i wanta i wanta cd.
and some crazy.
unique only to apt. 905. hiiiii.
also my scarf...
could i please get my scarf?
the cream and gold one.
scarf?

watched a movie with buds.
thought about how i'm getting paid tommorow.
then i thought about how i owe most of it.
realizing that, all along there was a downside to taking a year off from school,
being eligible to pay back your student loan.
then i ate some chocolate.
not 20 pounds mind you,
but a nice combination of all the good things about chocolate bars. sidekick, i promote you.
i'm also wondering if celly has left for sk yet. either tonight or tommorow night.