i work at a bakery.
i am learning about breads.
i am almost out of toilet paper.
my oven is still broken. i have a frozen pizza thats been in my freezer for 1.5 weeks that i'm taking with me to small group where i can cook it there and then bring it home for lunch tommorow.

i feel like i have absolutly no eloquence to write anything. but i still feel the need to tell you whats up. apologizing for boringness is so cliche. what?
we move into our new place on oct 1st. 38th/main. vancouver special. how do you window dress a front window that is composed of five tall windows in a concave shape? (concave is the one that goes in right?) i've also decided to shamelessly throw a house warming/bring me groceries party.

help me i'm overwhelmed.
and my oven is broken.
and i only have a dime, literally.
and an earplug.

we're sitting on the balcony, staring at the pool 10 floors down and an apartment building over, trying to decide whether there are people in the pool. or if its just the wierd reflections of the moon. go skinnydippers.

i'm living in the time where all my visions and idealistic assumptions are meeting up with reality.
its a little hard when i often forget that my foundation is hope.
..the rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house. yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation o the rock.
i've spent the day looking for a job. i've spent the last week looking for a place that i can live in. lots of winds and rains.
premptive: happy birthday cellsy bellsy!
does anyone want to hang out with me? i'm available.

tooth. gone.

i'm learning to play guitar.
the peasants rejoice.
i can play g,c,Em,d, a, Am, e, and i think c2.
the peasants rejoice.

this tooth will be the death of me.
i was formally saying "ha, good luck with that" to god who was increasing the pain in order to get me to the dentist...
but tonight i have surrendered.
what the hell is with one little chunk of enamel causing so much catasrophe?
today:
not even two T3's quelled this baby, they just made me not really care. an intresting effect.
so four advil, one fantastic neck rub, ice pack, tears, tears, and orajel later..i'm in a good enough mood to tell you how frustrated i am.
i haaaaate the dentist.
but, you know, maybe, i'll, you know, go get this looked at on monday. (one of my molars is decaying so all thats left is the shell of a tooth, no middle stuff and just recently its started to get the nerves. pleasant.)

they can't make me go back.
i've had a pretty good four day break. friday night i stayed home and watched cinderella with just me.
saturday i did some shopping and then i went to the beginnings of a family gathering. then i headed out with some friends to the fireworks which turned out to be a minor ordeal of what was actually considered "jerico beach". me and ashley walked around for about 2 hours trying to locate these crazies. it has now instilled in me that a pager is nooo good. i need a cell phone.
watched the fireworks. this year i learned that cbc broadcasts the music. who knew? incomparably glorious.
went to church sunday night and then made smores/broke the fire ban with some friends.
today i went down to bellingham, laughed harshly at the west bounders on highway 1.
i just got back from mexican night with the same ban breaking friends. fahitas, volleyball, sombrero's, corona, a nice mellowed atmosphere. good good.
now you are all caught up.
camp is ok. i'm learning wierd things. or rather, god is showing me things in wierd ways. as i think about this upcoming week, (rest of summer) there are some things i think about with excitement, some with mild dread.
julie needs to embrace grace.
yes she does.

we want to show all people the unconditional love and grace of Jesus
without reservations on their lifestyle, religious background
past or future.
this love has no agenda behind it.
this grace sets no dates on personal change or standards of growth.
the idea is to be apart or people’s lives because we truly care for them
rather than to fulfill a religious duty.
to walk with them through all there struggles as a part of there life
not as a religious outsider.

revolution atlanta

went awwaaay this weekend.
to mosiac at 10th, great music, great don, great bread and cream cheese.
to beniths, calmed myself out, walked a dog, shared a bed with a drumset.
to the sac, bought some chicken, made a stirfry.
rushed back to camp not caring that i was late, but then being mad that i got in trouble.
and now
first load is in..tuck books are balanced, and worhsip is telling me that i can work with him later. to which i promptly comply.
so sit here, and think that, a shower would be nice.
or perhaps a trip to bolivia, or a nice apartment in vancouver for 600 a month..on the corner of 12th and ontario maybe?

i hate saskatewan. mainly, nipawin. HATE.
sure they have hotel rooms for 30 bones
but then they smash your window whilst you sleep and steal all of your cd's. all. and those of your friend megan. between the both of us, close to 200.
so driving back to regina, no window and no turntable of music. we were left with one beth orton and one waterdeep.
oh the pain runs deep.

tisdale, sk: land of rape and honey. "no thanks, i don't like honey"

wednesday 7.30-about 2: i was running around with my head cut off. AHH. frustration. maybe we can now be called camp consumerism.
driving through okanogan. my windows were open so i could spit out my cherry pits and i was raging loudly to some aging punk rockers sing about danielle and ramone.
i stopped for supper with my bibe-o.. nice long supper.. so good.
then around medicine hat i got tired so i slept for 3.5 hours in the back of my van in the walmart parking lot.
then russy roseny got me through the rest of the way.
just taking my time getting to sk. increible. best two days ever.
i swear that this hippy traveling life is the one that was orginally meant for me. its the peace i need to gather myself and laugh at myelf and get some crazy bible reading done in mcdonalds.

i like you more when i have my earplugs in.

i do not work for gap any longer.
i have parted ways with the blessed card of discounts.
i may be back. i may prove to be weak.

i have been at camp for a week and two days.
there is grease in the camp food.
it is making my bowles slippery. sorry. thats gross. but grease is slippery.
i got out of my bed at 625 this morning to the tune of someone else's alarm.
i bolted to the shower. survival of the fittest. survival of the fittest.

i'm getting excited about my wedding weekend binge. all through until july 12. oh baby.
i am thrilled about the regina/nipawin/drive to prince george from regina aspect of the trip.
rad people whom i have no way of spending more time with. ontario, i critisize your far away-ness.

this afternoon i have to sort t-shirts. organize the music for the next week or two.
and then i'm going to fields (!).and its only living in hope that would bring about this excitment, mild as it is.

i'm going to camp right now. i'm delaying.
once i go, thats it.
but really, its all a matter of maybe an hour.
cause you know i'm gonna leave...
pretty little lori won't you come out tonight, come out tonight, come out tonight.

had a rad weekend. rad friends.
i was in vancouver mostly. so really, can't go too wrong.
mosaic.. my professor from regina was there. i laughed when he walked in. how unexpected.
the kids. they'll get you. they're trouble.

not religion, not morality, just jesus.
i don't want support wars being fought on morality.
how am i loving through telling people they are wrong.
they're not going to get it.
tell people about jesus.

here is a picture that i am still laughing at. also it makes me like my friend adele more.
i went over to visit her on my way home from canadian tire.
i found her on her back patio
crouched over in her camping chair
grilling a t bone steak and baked potato on her travel bbq.
it was just for her. she was the only one home.
there was twang music blaring.

in my ear:
'my god' by gemma hayes
aaaahhhhhhh
ooohhhhhhhhhh

jazz vespers.oncroyable.
ian coleman trio. pa-rops.
omlets with cheese and 9 eggs. yah.
chanting. oh yah. OH YA.
muslims who become christians. wow. (alliance women luncheon key note speaker).
blaring celtic worship and trying to dance whilst driving. oi.
sensitivity to humor. priceless.

my wise friend deb
happend to be at my work yesterday for my break.
(sigh of contentment goes here)

when ambition lifts
when intention lifts
freedom falls like rain.

"and david danced with all his might before the lord"

a lady just called my house
she dialed 604 instead of 406 (area code)
she wanted to talk to her sister
he sister's name is julie
she went on and on and giggled about how funny this was.
it was all i could do
not to yell
"ok!! i get it!! i'm julie too!!!"

i've been reading alot, coming across a lot of things that are adament about living for today..whats next week? you've got today.
we lack peace.

he can't plan the end
without planning the means.
huh.
i know that there is more in my head about this
but it doesn't have a medium.

parking lots are free from any sort of class or race discrimination.
totally pending on what second you drive into the parking lot,
and who decides to stop shopping when..
thats what determines what spot you get.
one seconds difference can say whether you get the spot next the entrance, or five miles off.
there's no way to reserve spaces, or to slip someone a 20 for them to hurry.
no jaquar or corvair can come along and say to the geo metro "excuse me. know your place. who the hell do you think you are?"
pure equality as found in very few other places in this world.

when i'm cold and alone
all i want is my freedom
and a sudden gust of gravity
i stop wailing and kicking
just to let this water cover me
only if i rest my arms, rest my mind
you'll overcome me and swell up around me
with my fighting so vain, with my vanity so fought
i'm rolling over
~cc

i ate all your gum..
but i put gas in your car.