i can't believe its so summer.
this whole week has been daunting temperature wise.

lots going on.
i've stepped up my game with the bike,
its now my sole mode.
in tweaking my route to work in the mornings
i found the loophole in the crazy hills
thus eliminating the ole 135 b-line.

recording vocals in well under way,
two songs down, four to go.
although you can't listen to us,
click on the myspace link to your right
it will lead you to the lo fatal page.

my lovely, left to die at the side of the road, small group
has been resurrected
same crew, a few bonus'
and i feel like a little piece of me that i didn't know was agitated,
is sitting back in peace.

three kids is morphing slowly into something i might deem managble
although daily expression of 'deux terrible' is waring.

summer plans are not rampant 8 days into summer.
i'm looking forward to the crazy lussier-hoskyns mid july.
maybe a few trips to seattle
definatly some weekend treks to bowen island
and perhaps perhaps perhaps a little trip with coo coo out to the tree spheres for a night.

how about you?

thought it 'bout time to post some pics from my 9-5 life..
1. walking home from the library, suddenly they tagged teamed me with demand for 'big' carrots.
2. my little city boys. emma peel the dog.
3. the littlest.
4. you could not ask for more doting big brothers. they wrote her a song. "misssssss olivia joooooyyyyy" x 12
5. jax left with no strength to attempt lunch.

this comes from the smelly kelly. a very cool idea.

Step 1: Put your itunes or whatever on random.
Step 2: Post the first line from the first 20 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing the song.
Step 3: Post and let everyone you know guess what song and artist the lines come from (choose only ONE line!!).
Step 4: Strike out the songs when someone guesses correctly.
Step 5: Looking them up on Google or any other search engine is CHEATING!


1. when you try your best but you don't suceed
2. the first thing i remember knowing was the lonesome whistle blowing
3. save some face, you know you've only got one
4. they say it fades if you let it, love was made to forget it.
5. rows of houses all bearing down on me
6. not talking about a year, not three or four
7. can we fix it? yes we can
8. we looked down the dead man hill smoking vines like cigarettes
9. pictures of naked stuff on the floor, money on the floor
10. i have called you children,i have called you son
11. nothin unusual nothin strange close to nothing at all
12. Lundy, Fastnet, Irish Sea, I got a message I can't read (unless you know....ya good luck with this one)
13. in home theatre, still projecting, undestructing
14.drink up baby down, are yuo in or are you out?
15. i can say that iv'e lived here in honor and danger
16. the evening was long, my kisses were true
17. i fell in love again, all things go
18. when you smiled at me, i guess you did not see
19.i don't want to belive that all of the above is true
20. seems theres nothing that you couldn't do with the drink inside of you

everyone just left my place.
i'm sitting in this post succesful gathering satisfaction.
and i'm glad that i've gotten over the weird aversion to hosting that i've always had.
i used to get really stressed out, and would generally avoid it.
i think, slowly, but definatly consciously, i've realized that nothing needs to be perfect.
you tell people that they'd better bring stuff cause you've got nothing. and they do.
so stress free!
i mean, so i have to clean for a few hours in the morning.
but who am i kidding. the ole apartment needs a little more than a light dusting.
its probably the only incentive for cleaning i'll ever get.

studio late the other night.
recording vocals late not a good idea.

last weekend i went over to bowen island for breakfast
it was incredible.
i hopped the 9.05 ferry there and the 12.35 back.
the old stand by phrase of it being so quiet i could acutally think
was great. great. true.
i felt like my mind and heart had all the freedom to just dwell.
brought my journal, my laptop, and my rwanda book.

sunday i woke late, got so immersed in watching first wives club
that i realized i was late for board meeting bbq.
[a mild shout out to sarah coull. gordon smith is our spiritual mentor figure. i said i knew you]
after i 'helped' matt and sandra pack the moving van/eat gratitude pizza.

tommorow is friday.

its always a good beginning to a weekend
when your boss hands you a martini as you head out the door.
also good is to come home and have a little cat nap.
tommorow morning i'm heading over to bowen island for the morning.
my new favorite place for breakfast.
incredibly out of the city
but so accessibly close.
if you'd like to come, give me a call before 8.30am.

when you smiled at me
i guess you did not see
the fire you lit inside
much to my surprise i fell for you

your simple self absorbtion
leaves me cold and lonley
is it too much to ask
for you want me only?
my simple self absorbtion
leaves me cold and lonley
is it too much to ask
for me to want me only?

i love my apartment clean.
and rearanged.
and vanilla dreams.
would anyone like to have a dream with me?
i love skip bo. and swiss chalet.
i love change for laundry. and clean clothes.
i love wesely wydam price. and winifred.

last night i loved amanda sage matt sandra josh.
i loved cheesecake and port.
i loved flying time.

soon i will love bowen island.
soon i will love my own balls for taking a chance.
soon i will love my bike with properly inflated tires.
soon i will love another americano.

new recording photo's at
http://www.flickr.com/photos/edgejulia/

aaand a possible refrain of
'mustang julie' may be soon in order.

bonjour je m'appel julie.
j'assis ici a l'espace
ce soir je travaille pour mosaic, c'est pas une mal nuit, ecoutez la musique pour dix dollars un heure.

i'm writing bcause i have a mild pang of guilt for having not written anything new in a while.
but really, i think, what is new?

no more car. much more legs and bus. more bike. more good.
more coffee for sure as i have discovered jj's americanos. allow me to exclaim, 'holy shit'.
more returning affections for a someone who pops in and around my life everynow and then. the affections are usually directly related to those poppings. the word fickle just popped into my head, but i know its not an accurate describing of said affections. huh.
alors, ques que c'est? ces't juste bien.
more movies for sure. i finished my foray into joss whedon a few weeks ago, niether happy nor sad, but only the sense of longing for more, while happy that such a time occupier has come to an end.
the squid and the whale is sitting in my bag. so is HP #4.
no more roomate. for the summer at least. she has driving up to F St John leaving my house not as cozy.
more sickness. i think i've said this before, but working with kids has made me little miss suseptable, and i've been laden for the last few weeks. its on its way out i think.
more reading. 'eyes of the tailess animals'; 'we wish to inform you that tommorow we will be killed with our families'. the former an account of a NKorean prisoner, the latter a collection of stories from rwanda. both stunning reads.

d'accord, c'est tout. j'ai besoin du cafe. ou biere.

i'm sitting here
in the middle of what
is the first day
in a very long time
that i've had absolutly nothing to do.
it feel quite weird.
this morning i went shopping
got lunch from the deli
and now i'm home again
realizing my options are vast for the remaining good friday.
i feel like driving and driving and driving.

its so satisfying to climb into bed
while its still light out
feeling so tired
and so at peace
knowing how much sleep you are going to get
and how rested you will feel.
although all a bit deceptive now
with the sun sitll around until nine..

i'm so happy.
i went looking for some photo cd's
to upload on to my computer
and in my travels
i found
a rogue burned copy
of naomi sider's apearing as herself
i'm so thrilled!
this cd was my nearly sole soundtrack
for a crazy period in my life
having just moved to the city
hating my job
a seemingly broken heart..
so much.

jo tagged me a few days ago but i forgot until now. and i am not tagging anyone.

FOUR JOBS I’VE HAD
1. retail clothing (x3)
2. mccarthyism breads.
3. kawkawa camp and retreat
4. the marchment/ruthven household in east van.

FOUR MOVIES/SHOWS I’VE BEEN ADDICTED TO:
1. buffy the vampire slayer
2. angel (currently)
3. lost
4. gilmore girls

FOUR PLACES I’VE LIVED:
1. the vage, saskatewan
2. chillismack
3. vancouver
4. moscow

FOUR COUNTRIES I WOULD LIKE TO VISIT:
1. russia
2. czech republic
3. china
4. finland

FOUR POPULAR FALSE ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT ME:
1. i'm older
2. that my social ease is transendant accros the board
3. i'm laughy all the time.
4. that those are my kids.

FOUR PEOPLE I LOOK LIKE (according to some people):
1. mama
2. smelly
3. selma blair
4. someone's cousin from tuscany. always tuscany. so odd.

FOUR THINGS (I HOPE) TO DO BEFORE I DIE:
1. live like a true blower in the wind. to be able to do that.
2. be the guest on 'inside the actors studio' with james lipton
3. love fully
4. learn to love red wine.

i've been thinking about my life these last few weeks
and how different it is now.
i'm not sure compared to what.
it just feels lovely and more complete,
and i feel more content.
every night of the week finds me out of my apartment,
which i used to think would overwhelm me,
and i'd burn out.
but its so good.
every night out is apart of me.
not just a commitment,
but an extension of my life,
that i love.
i'm finally doing music outside of the walls of church.
i'm stepping into myself with my councillor,
and see the fruits of it
every encounter of the day.
i have a ridiculously fantastic community
which isn't always easy
but always beneficial.
i've learned the dependance on coffee,
and i can't remember why it took so long.

i suppose this is the beginning of this expression.

i went into pulp fiction books the other day to try and find a ramona quimby book for a gift
and found a copy of fast food nation.
so i'm reading that.
or rather, i'm about to stop typing to go and read that.
tommorow is friday, and also payday. a very special day.
tomorow night is daves birthday party.
saturday is crystal's cherry blossom picnic birthday party,
and also joel's show at night.

you know how when you clean your bedroom
put on fresh sheets
light a candle...
ya. that feeling. me.

julie
cannot
cannot
cannot
stop listening to
judee sill
'the lamb ran away with the crown'
you
must
must
must
download it.

a band website of sorts
www.myspace.com/lofatal
although i don't think the song part is working.
dave?
dave?
i don't think the song part is working! dave!

totally just got back from the
"oh my god i'm hungry but its almost midnight"
run to 7/11 with my roomate.
hotdogs and s/v chips.
daaaaaamn.

au revoir weekend.
today was an insanely interesting day.
benjamin's third birthday party began somewhere around ten this morning
and its always exausting to be around excitable children en mass

then probably the most intresting thing of all, around mid afternoon
i helped a poor fugative escape from a tyrannous rule.
loaded up my car, even the bags that were hidden in the bamboo bushes.
and now i have a roomate. more than welcome sweet child of freedom.

and i just got back from band practice
which went really well
except my poor voice of improper use
you will learn you will learn.

et maintanant
angel. pauvre conner. pauvre wes.
c'est trop triste.

i'm half dressed, sitting in bed
thinking about my new shirt that i get to wear to mosaic later
but for now i'm typing,
and playing around on IMDb
i love that website
this day began with the toons for lunch
and then shopping with lisa along main
ees our hood ees our hood
i have to be at mosaic in 1/2 hour.

last night we had a birthday party incredibly belated
quite small, quite lovely
great thai, great beer

thusday night my long lost friend courtney came over
and made me dinner
fantastic chorizo, handmade by this crazy man, so the story goes, was the focus
of the savoriest pizza i've ever had
we found a delicious red wine
and a ghetto grocery store dessert.
perfect.

today i am wearing my lucky underwear.
i wonder what will happen.

it all worked itself out
and then some
friday night i stayed on stephen and lisa's couch
which was great and nice and family-ish
left the house about noon when
kelly came out
and we drove around the us of a for a few hours
went to mosaic
still not having keys for my place yet
ARRG
out for foundation
got new keys
borrowed lost season one from jesse
then had a great sunday
it was a lovely weekend.
lovejulie

my spirit is weighed down with heavy
smelly shit.
all day i've been looking forward
to going home after work
taking a bath
and a nap
then leisurely making my way over to the space for a show
but as i was getting ready to head home
my keys are nowhere to be found
the keys for my car
the keys for my house
the keys for my peace and heart
i ended up walking all over creation
reatracing every step i'd made today
to
no
fucking
avail.
finally around six i left my work
got on a bus.almost the wrong bus.changed buses.missed my stop.walked walked.
got to the space to use the phone
turns out landlord is a scatterbrained ass who can't get me in to my place/a new set of keys until tommorow/late afternoon.
and my sister is graciously driving out from chilliwack to offer me a new car key.

but tonight.
i am all empty.
drained of all control for emotion
of all enegery (which could be topped off if i go eat something)
seemingly of all will to hope, which is mostly not true.

jesus help me i can't.

and a good, slightly inebrieated conversation about indigo girls
this past week
has me
immersed
immersed
'what makes me think i can start clean slated
the hardest to learn was the least complicated'
'well you set up your place in my thoughts
moved in, and made my thinking crowded
now we're in the back with the barking dogs'

i don't think i've ever said it before
but yesterday was the best birthday
great breakfast
great party
great morning after cake..cakes!
two of my friends made birthday cakes

i'm lying here in my bed
already two in the afternoon
thinking how i have soundcheck at 4
and i'm so happy
mostly about yesterday
but in general, with life, and yesterday being only a small reflection
of healing, of growth, of a steadfastness that is slowly forming its foundation
of community that is slowly being allowed to establish its roots
in my life
in my life
i've been scattered like the leaves
i've been running just to find some peace

holy crap i've been on the computer for over two hours
but all good
talking with my long lost ottawa girl
and her male and two girls
and a life i have not been familiar with in much too long
so lovely.

and i forsee myself not falling asleep terribly fast..
tommorow is my favorite day of all days.
and i'm going out for breakfast with my favorite people
then going to work at my favorite time. late.
and the rest of the day will, with all hope,
fall beautifully into place.
i love tommorow.