my friend sandra walked into my apartment a week ago
joking about the perpetual squalor in which i live
"didn't you go to councilling to deal with this?"
in jest, knowing my councilling outcomes far more than most.
and it stuck in my head,
beacause it was funny.

and then this weekend, with the culmination of tonight,
in dealing with an urgent, negative chunk of life,
thinking
god, how am i still here?
how do i keep letting this stuff become so massive and all encompassing?
but in dealing with this latest life vomit,
i can see myself taking better steps
saying better things with faster responce times..
and then back to sandra's comment too,
the squalor, the severe financial instabiliity,
these things that i hate about myself,
used to drive me to dwell.
but a little investment in introspection
has bought perspective.
and perspective says
julie julie. you little learner you. nice work on dealing with this one.
it also says some lovely little cheesy things.