i try and do this and this and this
and all jesus says is
just tell me you're broken

trying to draw something profound and perfect
all i feel is
god save me
i'm falling apart..

this song has me thinking

..but for now I feel like singing of a life involving happy three,
the girl and me and the beauty greens that
fill in the spaces
the ones i never really understood,
but we all live with them and when they come to parade
we all wave
and they wave back, singing,
“tu ne sois jamais content avec la vie”
And I would sit there and agree
cause it has always been
what’s out of reach that makes me who I am...

(tu ne sois jamais content avec la vie- brock tyler.)

nathan and heidi carroll. 

lisa and her cat. wilco.

ugh!!! i've offically sent away my application.
i don't really feel like telling you what it is...i'll only say that its soemthing i've been waiting to present itself..somthing of a perfect job...AHHHHHHHH!
so those in the know, THE APPLICATION IS SENT. my heart was in my throat as i put the email together.

i want CHINESE FOOD.

julie edgeley appears courtesy of her own bad self. tracks 3 and 8.
saw simon off with a bit of a soiree tonight.
got my own copy of above catch phrase.
peed ourselves laughing until late..

i just found a file cabinet in the laundry room downstairs.
i've taken leaving things in the laundry room to be code for "take me i'm free!"
i hope this is what it means.

other than my little find,
this day has been the shits.
two, maybe three hours of sleep?
straining, draining day of work,
still not totally recovered from puking my whole abs out of wack.
oh but check out my coworker kerensa's website. she's one of the most insane artists i know. my favorite is the torrid grey's and the floral.

man the song 'warning signs'..its like i don't reallyhave anthing in my life that identifies with it, but soemthing in the mood of it just moves me and makes me want to cry..."and i'm tired.." ugh.

rehersal today for some show at capp college.
song from o brother where art thou..the temptress song.
i like the mood of it.
a good talk with my friends hil and lisa.
came home for a bit starving, returned a video and then bought cookies for me and courtney and went over there for a few hours.
i've totally become addicted to renting video's
now that i've found this rad little indie place by my house.
its got all the movies you wished you knew about,
and all the ones you, the cool, hip, aware movie appreciater, do know about.
so if you live in the soma area, happy bat video is the place for you.
main and 15th.
the other night my (completly committed to a rad girl) friend dave
came up to me and told me how beautiful i looked.
really sincerly and i was totally moved.

ok bed.

my whole face is full of snot.
i left the laundry to thee last minute, and now i'm out of laundry soap.
so tommorow is mis-matching socks, and pants with a questionable state of clean, day.

you guys i feel wiped. shallowly, and deeply, this statement may be taken.
oh elusive clarity and peace and visions for outside my rut.

its incredible the difference a dishrack makes.

so that was the holiday season?
i heard something the other day that i've been thinking about, and i think sums up a lot of what i see around me, in the lives of the people i know.
"never before has such pessimism and such hunger coexisted together"

i've realized that i'm the person who doesn't like to be told where she is weak, or wrong.
i get so defensive and stubborn.
i'll only accept it if i'm the one to come to the conclusion. because somehow thats the only way i think truth can come to light.
huh.

today i didn't go snowboarding.
i stayed in my bed, which was freakishly comfortable for a really long time, until 1pm.
then i went out for lunch with courtney.
then i cleaned my house.