Tuesday, February 22, 2011

here i am. home again.
into my second day back at work..
even though i've had had solid 10+ hour sleeps..my body still feels totally wrecked.
i don't get you jetlag.

a wonderful week.
i found it interesting though, that after being back for a couple of hours,
the magic was gone.
the reality of home had been dressed up and made so fancy by anticipation,
but once actually being back, was like,
oh ya, home. same old same old.
which isn't to say that it wasn't exactly what this heart needed.

celebrating my 30th was perfect.
perhaps a little less intimate than foretold,
but memorable, amazing, and had me walking away awashed in love.
if one thing can be said of my wee trip home,
was that i felt loved so so undeniably, so clearly and strongly.

sitting on the plane for nine hours, with a lot of unable to sleep time,
i was thinking of different things from the week.
i felt like so much stuff had happened, both to me and around me,
but only so much was able to be processed and expressed.
even court, whom i was staying with, would ask me about the day..and only certain things would come up, only certain things i would think to mention.

some of the remaining came to thought sitting there on the plane,
why so and so didn't seem as happy to see me as i was them,
regret in not flitting about more at my party, talking to a wider range of people,
and many other smaller/complicated/seemingly insignificant/larger/simple happenings that i didn't think to process in the moment, but having been registered, got stored away somewhere. and now having thought them through, some of them are way more important to me than the others that were immediate.
and all of that made me think how the whole thing works.
whats the filter, or whatever, on what gets dwelt on in the immediate, and what gets brushed aside for later, or maybe never, should i not take the time to think.
this is totally bothering me.
is it something i can become better at?
is it even a flaw?
maybe i just noticed it because there was such an abundance of events and experiences that week.

stump town.
speaking of which, stumptown, i'm kicking myself for not picking up another pound of JJ grinds.
i have two lists in my head:
things that are important to me while in paris
things that are important to me while in vancouver.
and i have to be careful to not invalidate any of the items on either list while in the opposing city. talk about a recipe for regret.

ok. love love.


BL said...

Aw Julie, nice blog post. You are loved. I should have been on the bean. And in defence of the big "not as intimate as foretold" birthday party... you only turn 30 once!! and that's the right b-day to go big!

love, peace and joy,

brother lemky

autumn said...

nice nice post julie. you are so so very loved. im glad you felt it.


Aimee said...

always so thoughtful.

good of you to notice the recipe for regret and try to avoid it.

it was lovely to see you, even briefly. And the kids were so excited too. They had wondered if they would ever see you again.

love, aimee