a tribute to damn funny. sorry you're gone.

-I would imagine that if you could understand morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy

-I opened up a container of yogurt, and under the lid it said "Please Try Again" because they were having a contest I was unaware of. But I thought I might have opened the yogurt wrong, or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me. 'C'mon, Mitchell, don't give up. Please try again. A message of inspiration from your friends at Yoplait. Fruit on the bottom, hope on top.'

-The Kit Kat candy bar has the name "Kit Kat" imprinted in the chocolate. That robs you of chocolate. Kit Kat has come up with a clever chocolate saving technique. I'm gonna go down to the Kit Kat factory, and say "Hey, you owe me some letters."

-I don't have a girlfriend. I just know this lady who'd be really mad if she heard me say that.

-If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would be completely unacceptable.