tonight i was talking to my friend lisa about our church, mosaic.
about how small the community is, and how that leaves no room for anything but who you really are.
and how for both of us, its the only church in our whole lives that celebrates brokeness, and the redemption therein.
then she sited the example of an aquantiance that came to mosaic, and didn't like it beacuse it was too personal. too intimate. she prefered the anominity of a regular, lots of people, service.
and i thought to myself, thats so true. so many put on masks to the one place we should be celebrating the shit thats behind the mask.
we go to receive. we shallowly commune with those we know and those we're comfortable with.
i don't think i even knew what being apart of the body really meant until mosaic. where we celebrate, as part of the worship, rowans one year sobreity.
and its not like i'm always comfortable, but i'm at peace with that struggle.

so.
pedro was incredible.
i was surged with this emotional energy in the last half of the last song.
would someone please tell me the story of sinners ransomed from the fall. i still have never seen you and somedays i don't love you at all.
peace be still. peace be still. peace be still.
i'm alive again.
i'm alive again.

tilly and the wall gives an amazing show.
incredibly creative. as the b put it, 'this is about as far as it goes creative wise'.
my eyes and my ears were so happy so take in tilly and the wall.
the percussion was steel garbage cans and a stick, some morroca's, and the tap dancer. the tap dancer. (!!)

aaand
cindy hunter!

some days i feel like life is so simple.
some days i feel like life is so complex.
today is the latter.
too much so.

i just watched one of the worst movies i've seen in a looong time.
i'm not even going to tell you what it is because i'm so embarrassed.

tommorow is the pedro show. 
saturday is a full day. mosaic. some worship down on the beach maybe. fireworks. and then monday is the stat holiday..but ai! i'm not working. no time and half for julie. but i think i still get the whole extra day of pay because i'm a full timer.

i had a good day today. i feel like i've had the whole day off.  really nice.
so back to the 6-2 grind tommorow. and off to bed i go. thats right, i'm going for just under 8 hours tonight.
unatainable? oh no my dear ones. some times dreams do come true.

you took off my mask..
and filled me with joy. 

i thought this was pretty. i found it surfing blogs and now i don't remember how to find it again. 

i'm still awake.
the wind is blowing on my face neck and hands.
just a little shiver.
just a little while longer
then i can sleep.

i just did dishes that have been sitting around my kitchen area for waaay over a week.
is marriage even an option for me? HO!

don't believe a word i say
shoop shoop shoop bring me breakfast on a tray.

i love blueberries short and tall
i love blueberries from the safeway at the mall
i love blueberries firm and tart
goin through my system
and then they make me (tee hee)

i went to the beach again
i went to the beach again
i went to the beach again
i made myself a special mix,
i made myself a nice sandwich
some blueberries
some writing stuff
some reading stuff
ooooooo baby. breathe deep the breath of god.

my feet are sandy as i sit here.
probably i should rinse them off.
little work picnic down at kits point.
i walked back to my car on the shore.
took long. good relax.
sandy feet.

what? you can't classify me like that.  (enraged)
ok fine. we'll talk about it now. i don't think we're in a position to get marrried right now. 
hey guys. courtney love isn't doing so well hey? (quite concerned)
 
picking up brock from the airport was fun.  lunch.  making some rad mixes.  business meeting. krispy kreme. and now mellow guitar. oh its a good day. a good last day off. 
 
jesus fest was a good chunk of time this weekend. the sun made us hang out at the river lots which was rad.
good little community with some new buds from washington.
good little community with established friendships.  
 
i'm back to work tommorow and i'm not dreading it.  god bless us everyone.

i'm almost real
i mostly mean it
i will though.
i just need a little bit.

good things looming.
good things in my midst.
every good and perfect gift.

i'm still pulsating from my run.
i took a nap this afternoon so i could stay up until 11 watching amazing race.
and now i have some left energy.
i hope this all works out for me at 5.30 am. haheee.

karmyn is in the town. she brought with her some retardedly good music from the peg. i almost fell off my chair.
as soon as i get it on my computer i'll try and let you listen.
ya, i almost fell of my chair. really good.

hey nostradamus! is a great read thus far. but coupland never lets me down.

small group ce soir was great. praying for each other and i got a really cool word from stephen. i was peaced.
tommorow is, i fear, a loooong day down at granville island
and then off to hang out with the kids at jericho.
then celeste.

something else.
the other day i was listening to a girl named bethra preach it
and i was moved by what she was saying about a certain breed of christians. kind of in the context of how you "evangelize" (haaate that i just used the word)
about how, when you really really believe something is true, is truth, then it does not matter what the person next to you belives.
how there are so many christians out there who never connect with people who are not like themselves.
or if they do, its for the purpose of telling them about god.
and how for her, living her life, connecting with lots of people who are not like her, the way jesus comes out of her mouth is totally easy going and about her life, and jesus in it.
and i thought, yes. sister.
this is the breakthrough truth i have found this last year. it is truth.

and then she went on to say how hard it is for her to love 'those kind of' christian friends in her life.
and i thought, yes. sister.

i just got back from a really cool dinner with my friend michelle. she just got back a little bit ago from touring, and i just plain hadn't seen her in a while.
incredible.
we connected tonight over some rad stuff, and had some really good conversation.
it seems like i've been connecting with people more and more lately. and soemwhat random people. and, in some instances, i never see it coming.
but its been really refreshing. and everytime it happens, i feel like gods sayin
"hey kid. i know you know, but i surround you."

i had a really good independant day off. some shopping, went and saw saved!. and laughed my aaassssss off. and at the end, i just sat there and said, that is a beautiful movie. its great. everyone go see it.

do you know what i want?
i want justice--oceans of it.
i want fairness--rivers of it.
that's what i want. that's all i want.
amos 5.24

here i am in chilliwack. nothing moves here.
i went and saw my sister at work..
now i'm home doing some laudry.
i had planned to be here earlier, but as i left vancouver, i kept stopping places. it was funny and i din't get here until like 7.30.
tommorow is yet another wedding.
but thats ok because i get to pull out the dress of wonders again. its being cleaned and primped as i speak.
today i had a smoothie milk shake thing that made me go "ahhh hey i can do this..nothing elaborate, nothing exotic"
so from today forward i shall become one of those people who keeps their blender on the counter.
isn't it funny, the only time you really want to excersise is when you can't. here i am without my running shoes, and support, ahem.
ALTHOUGH it just dawned on me. dude! i'm at my house! it has a pool! i'm swimming laps. yeeeeah. swimming doesn't feel like real excerise to me.
its like candy exerise. yeeehaw.
i'm getting sick. throat. some nose stuff. some soreness.

i'm about to leave now for my mini break.
i'm hanging out with my sister tonight and then on to some love in the sugar shack.
and on saturday to penticton for hil and adj's weddin.
wowee i'm excited.

the downfall of humanity, or rather, what shows the ugly ugly side of most people, is the art of free samples. sampling. its food. its free.
watching people go for samples makes me want to ram my head into the lovely stone hearth oven.
and americans.

today i picked strawberries for my breakfast in bare feet.
then me and a dog with the same name as my sister played outside. mostly just lied there.
also a good chat with papamel about church stuff and ministry stuff.
then i came home and...
bought the most beautiful dress in the whole world. i am so excited.
(excitment comparable to going to a thrift store and getting a bag full of incredible stuff for 20 bucks. what? sure is.)
i am willing to lay down my life for this dress.

i made myself buy a new journal.
the step towards healing i finally accepted.
i was in denial for a while there.
like i would just have to glance over my shoulder and there he'd be, sitting on my desk.
but he's not coming back.
i still don't think i really believe it, not with my heart, not yet.
but, i bought a new one.
6.50. opus on granville island.
gotta keep moving on, you know?

oh honesty.

the girl, she is satisfied.
stomach, and for the moment, soul.
out for my dear friend samantha's 29th at foundation.
killer, killer vegan carrot cake from sweet cheribim.
sam's going to be a mom in a bit, and i love to love her.

the end.

i learned a new word today and i wrote it on my hand so i would remeber what it was and that i would use it.
egregious. egg-ree-shee-ous. it means morally repugnant.

i went over for breakfast (sort of) yesdterday at the ivanhoe. a good walk and talk with the b.

i also 'preached' last night at mosaic. execpt that i had emailed my notes to myself so i could print them off at the church..and it totally got garbled in the transition. so i wung it. ha.

i also got a bracelet today out of the lost and found at work. it is very pretty.

god is reasurring me that i will be ok. both in that i'm absolutly broke for a week, and in that i'm incredibly restless at this moment. i want to move..to do soemthing different..maybe i don't. maybe its just this moment. this is about right..it usually happens at this time of year. the thing is too, that i've got some rad rad commitments going on that i'm excited to be apart of..but the restlessness stirs.

last night went to a housewarming bash for my friend michelle. it was so hip i didn't know what to do.
but then people i knew came and, whew,
i was hip too.
my default setting when it comes to guys, is being weired out. i can't handle any sort of interaction i'm uncertain about.
julie says read blue like jazz. happy.
julie says get to the foundation before it gets to busy. sad.
julie is speaking the word next week and she's a little worried.
julie is listening to eisley.
ben is at ivanhoe.