i've been thinking about my life these last few weeks
and how different it is now.
i'm not sure compared to what.
it just feels lovely and more complete,
and i feel more content.
every night of the week finds me out of my apartment,
which i used to think would overwhelm me,
and i'd burn out.
but its so good.
every night out is apart of me.
not just a commitment,
but an extension of my life,
that i love.
i'm finally doing music outside of the walls of church.
i'm stepping into myself with my councillor,
and see the fruits of it
every encounter of the day.
i have a ridiculously fantastic community
which isn't always easy
but always beneficial.
i've learned the dependance on coffee,
and i can't remember why it took so long.

i suppose this is the beginning of this expression.

i went into pulp fiction books the other day to try and find a ramona quimby book for a gift
and found a copy of fast food nation.
so i'm reading that.
or rather, i'm about to stop typing to go and read that.
tommorow is friday, and also payday. a very special day.
tomorow night is daves birthday party.
saturday is crystal's cherry blossom picnic birthday party,
and also joel's show at night.

you know how when you clean your bedroom
put on fresh sheets
light a candle...
ya. that feeling. me.

julie
cannot
cannot
cannot
stop listening to
judee sill
'the lamb ran away with the crown'
you
must
must
must
download it.

a band website of sorts
www.myspace.com/lofatal
although i don't think the song part is working.
dave?
dave?
i don't think the song part is working! dave!

totally just got back from the
"oh my god i'm hungry but its almost midnight"
run to 7/11 with my roomate.
hotdogs and s/v chips.
daaaaaamn.

au revoir weekend.
today was an insanely interesting day.
benjamin's third birthday party began somewhere around ten this morning
and its always exausting to be around excitable children en mass

then probably the most intresting thing of all, around mid afternoon
i helped a poor fugative escape from a tyrannous rule.
loaded up my car, even the bags that were hidden in the bamboo bushes.
and now i have a roomate. more than welcome sweet child of freedom.

and i just got back from band practice
which went really well
except my poor voice of improper use
you will learn you will learn.

et maintanant
angel. pauvre conner. pauvre wes.
c'est trop triste.

i'm half dressed, sitting in bed
thinking about my new shirt that i get to wear to mosaic later
but for now i'm typing,
and playing around on IMDb
i love that website
this day began with the toons for lunch
and then shopping with lisa along main
ees our hood ees our hood
i have to be at mosaic in 1/2 hour.

last night we had a birthday party incredibly belated
quite small, quite lovely
great thai, great beer

thusday night my long lost friend courtney came over
and made me dinner
fantastic chorizo, handmade by this crazy man, so the story goes, was the focus
of the savoriest pizza i've ever had
we found a delicious red wine
and a ghetto grocery store dessert.
perfect.

today i am wearing my lucky underwear.
i wonder what will happen.

it all worked itself out
and then some
friday night i stayed on stephen and lisa's couch
which was great and nice and family-ish
left the house about noon when
kelly came out
and we drove around the us of a for a few hours
went to mosaic
still not having keys for my place yet
ARRG
out for foundation
got new keys
borrowed lost season one from jesse
then had a great sunday
it was a lovely weekend.
lovejulie

my spirit is weighed down with heavy
smelly shit.
all day i've been looking forward
to going home after work
taking a bath
and a nap
then leisurely making my way over to the space for a show
but as i was getting ready to head home
my keys are nowhere to be found
the keys for my car
the keys for my house
the keys for my peace and heart
i ended up walking all over creation
reatracing every step i'd made today
to
no
fucking
avail.
finally around six i left my work
got on a bus.almost the wrong bus.changed buses.missed my stop.walked walked.
got to the space to use the phone
turns out landlord is a scatterbrained ass who can't get me in to my place/a new set of keys until tommorow/late afternoon.
and my sister is graciously driving out from chilliwack to offer me a new car key.

but tonight.
i am all empty.
drained of all control for emotion
of all enegery (which could be topped off if i go eat something)
seemingly of all will to hope, which is mostly not true.

jesus help me i can't.

and a good, slightly inebrieated conversation about indigo girls
this past week
has me
immersed
immersed
'what makes me think i can start clean slated
the hardest to learn was the least complicated'
'well you set up your place in my thoughts
moved in, and made my thinking crowded
now we're in the back with the barking dogs'

i don't think i've ever said it before
but yesterday was the best birthday
great breakfast
great party
great morning after cake..cakes!
two of my friends made birthday cakes

i'm lying here in my bed
already two in the afternoon
thinking how i have soundcheck at 4
and i'm so happy
mostly about yesterday
but in general, with life, and yesterday being only a small reflection
of healing, of growth, of a steadfastness that is slowly forming its foundation
of community that is slowly being allowed to establish its roots
in my life
in my life
i've been scattered like the leaves
i've been running just to find some peace

holy crap i've been on the computer for over two hours
but all good
talking with my long lost ottawa girl
and her male and two girls
and a life i have not been familiar with in much too long
so lovely.

and i forsee myself not falling asleep terribly fast..
tommorow is my favorite day of all days.
and i'm going out for breakfast with my favorite people
then going to work at my favorite time. late.
and the rest of the day will, with all hope,
fall beautifully into place.
i love tommorow.

this friday marks a quarter century of julie.
it is a day more special than most.
especially
for this one who enjoys her day of birth very much.
so i invite you
to both start the day
and end the day
with bit of a bang.

7am on friday, until around 8/8.30
berts restaurant on main st between 13th and 14th.
before your work, before your school,
come eat breakfast

8pm on friday night, until ...
julie's house at #208 20 E12th Ave (SE corner of 12th and ontario)
bring your favorite wine etc or item of consumption
(just refrain from bring the disease of the same name)


some of you i talked to at mosaic, some of you wern't there, some of you are further away, and some of you live in gatineau. sur the pont alexandre. on le danse. on le danse.
come for one, come for both.
either way,

tonight i went for dinner at the house of friends of friends.
i'd forgotten the culture which dictates the imparativeness of taking one's shoes off before entering.
i was not wearing socks reflective of self.

i am beginning to pick up a pattern,
when introducing my proffession to new/young parents.
they get this look,
"crap.
what has she seen, how is she judging..?"

and on an altogether different topic
i feel like its a confession
that i, for the last two years or so
had let my love for radiohead
fall to the backburner in favor of the new, shiny, pretty people.
last night i watched this documentry on them,
and fell head over heels
all over again
i can't stop listening
can't stop listening
the bends. kid a.
true love.

can't stop listening
to bell orchestre
be still my heart

i have a headache the size of all get out.
last night we donned our heels, made much too massive cosmo's
and chatted until late late
a continuing party of smaller proportions
went on
with
hubble! oh my god its totally hubble
and
charlotte getting her zsa zsa jew

i am at mosaic for sound check
the drums being played
pounding pounding
my head
where the hell is my coffee

i hung out with miss katie in vanc and m.r
she showed me where all the good blogs are!
she let me ride her scooter!
she gave me a rad old bike!
she shared some good satisfaction with me.
as soon as i got home i rode over to matt and sandra's.
but they were not home.
or sleeping.
i can alrerady feel my non cyclist muscles getting so sore.
tommorow will be a hoot.
but watch out summer.
cyclist julie will be out in full force.

so right off, i should admit that i stole the above page title from ben.
but, really, he doesn't use it anymore
and it makes me laugh everytime i see it.
if you want it back, let me know. but then i will bring up the time you hacked into mine...

today is shaping around nicely into a great day.
i got off work at one today,
and the sun runs amuck, bring 15 degrees with it.
i'm sitting here in the stairwell
thinking about walking over to jj bean
to write in a negleted journal
and think
and be free to do nothing
amongst people
and a free cup of coffee, {thanks to my bosssss for the prepaid}
it all feels neccesary.
neccesary.

today i chose convenience over the good of my global neighbor.
damn the rain.
damn the long day at work.
damn drive through starbucks.

i've become quite the little prodigy
at hijacking internet signals
walking around my apartment building with my laptop
i've found a pretty consistant spot in the stairwell between the 2nd and 3rd floor
so thats nice.

ok here is who i've ruled out.

on denial:
lora
amanda
lisa/stephen
matt/sandra

on assumption to do with personal ethics regarding commerce:
heidi

what about kelly?
no i don't think it was kelly.

i will solve this.
tho others are telling me to let it be,
i will solve this.
like elizabeth getting to the bottom
of what the true reason was for darcy being present at the marriage
of lydia and wickam.
there is no let it be.

ok belated secret santa
who the hell are you.

today i got a package in the mail.
containing
pride and predjudice
jane eyre
and a lovely blue scarf
and a card which spoke of knowledge that i didn't get everything i had hoped for christmas.

my powers of detection have revealed that the box was sent
yesterday
from abbotsford
and now i am on a handwriting comparison mission.

a conversation that went funny real fast.

heidi: julie, where were you saturday night? i meeeeeeeeesed you.
julie: yes. i was in portland. i know you missed me. i am a mosaic staple.
matt (jumping in): small and pointy and made of metal?
[laughter]
julie: ha. good at holding things together.
[laughter]
matt: easily discardable and replaceable?
[laughter]
heidi: needs a good bang to make it go?
[much laughter]

in my beginnings to addresss my severe financial shortcomings
i am so excited
to come home from the grocery store
and marvel at how much food stuffs i got for 40 bucks.
and to have your total come to 40.63
when you've budgeted 40.
now thats skills.
well, skills when you're not even remotely a math oriented person.

matt and sandra came up to me on wednesday
and said
'hey what are you doing this weekend..saturday until sunday?'
how can you not throw yourself fully on board to plans that commence with the details of saturday until sunday.
those, to me, are the perfect opening details.
so saturday morning we're driving to portland! oregon!
to see a show at the mississippi pizza pub. ha.
and we're making into a weekend.
this is altogether thrilling, relaxing, perfect and lovely.

have i mentioned the jeff tweedy solo show?
ohhhh yes.