listening to patty griffin's nobody's cryin'.
"still have this secret hope
sometimes all I do is cope"..

thinking so much about hope lately.
words and phrases keep coming
across my path that completely resonate.
maybe its a season for hope.
maybe its the actual season of spring, bringing hope..
"i am not an optimist, but merely a prisoner of hope"
which is true
because i'm not totally optimistic
that love will come
or that career happiness will soon find me.
but even in this feeling of weariness,
hope remains.
and i can't escape it.
no matter how i run, i am this prisoner to a hope..
a hope for joy, a hope for.. fulfillment.
and i struggled with writing that,
struggled to acknowledge i'm yearning
for fulfillment brought on by love and job stuff.
the nagging-ness of this place in me,
thoroughly ingrained in me over thirty years,
to acknowledge jesus as the sole provided of that stuff.
but the the yearning for it,
the belief in it totally remains.
and i can't escape that either.