hoo.
had a great morning, baked some muffins,
haha and actually had the thought
"did i just put too many chocolate chips in there?"
who thinks that? about chocolate?
but it's ok.
i halfed the flour with whole wheat flour
and threw in some apple sauce in place of some sugar.
all that hard substitution work down the drain because of a heavy hand with the chocolate.
how many people have come undone that way?
i guess many, many, many.

but then a bit of a rough afternoon,
two kids in dire need of some low down time,
dragged to superstore against their wishes.
i feel like i've gotten mad quite a bit this afternoon,
feeling bad about it,
feeling frustrated with the immediacy children require
feeling like a huge case of the mondays.
but then par chance,
i came across this amazing, amazing apartment on design sponge,
and all my grumpiness and mood instantly jumped ship
and in place was a joyous, genuinely emotional response to beauty.
creation and nature are definately one thing,
but bigger responses in me come from man hand created beauty.
a chair.
an apartment.
white walls.
gilt gold.

the idea that the mind of man can think up, feel up, dream up, express oneself through a space.
ugh!
i love how these things garner up an emotional reaction.
oh pieces. stop.

do you feel settled?
in life, or whatever?
i'm wondering if it's possible to feel settled whilst living in the city.
i love the city. all aspects.
and i suppose it might be different if one was partnered up and child rearing,
but i feel like i'm floating/whirling through life without a settle point in view.
should i have some sort of settle point in view?
i'm moving to paris in about 18 months, once work dries up for me here in vancouver,
and it'll be about a year or two year stint.
(unless of course i meet the frenchy ooolala man of my dreams and stay and live there forever embracing socialism and cigarettes and cheap wine full time)
but then what?
i could keep going,
try sweden or norway next..
or come back to vancouver.
maybe get a degree in fashion. hmm.
do people settle anymore?
do single people settle anymore?
or do you go, go, go until you find someone to settle with?

i feel like i'm missing a key strain of thought here.
anyways.
this whole train of thinking just popped into my head and i happened to have my laptop on top of my lap.
thoughts?

i need a hug from a half sweet machiato.
i want desperately to work for garance dore. or scott schuman.
i want to buy the biggest tub of fraser meadow's vanilla yogurt. can you find it anywhere but donalds market? help.
i am thankful for the free morning of grocery storing and butcher shopping.
i want to wear red nail polish for the rest of my life.
i need to find a good seamstress who can copy some clothes for me. help?
i have a shit load of clothes to fold today. which coincides nicely with the episode of glee waiting to be watched.
i watched chris clean out his van while i waited for the red light at hastings and highway 1.
i just ate the dirtiest sandwich. i mean, sure, a ton of protein, but we're talking faaaattty proteins.

i'm figuring out make-up.
for the longest time, i sort of figured that make-up was this thing that helped you look prettier.
and i didn't how that worked, it never looked like me when it was on,
so all i was, was a big mess of confusion when it came to anything beyond benetint and mascara.

but i'm starting to get the idea now that make-up has the ability to add to your style.
to help you polish up the way you like to dress.
much like the manicures that i've in recent monthes become in love with.
and now can't live without.

take red lipstick.
it's been said that a great red lipstick is far superior to even a 1000 cocktail dresses.
either garance dore said it, or gwyneth paltrow.
so true!
and i've finally embraced it.
or rather,
finally overcome all my wierd vanity issues about doing anything so over the top bold.
and over all, pretty sweet.
i love wearing it.
out that is.
but i'm pretty close to wanting to wear it all day at work, too.
look out.
the times they are a changing.

went out to eat with courtenay last night
and because she knew the cooks,
and because cooks like to one up each other on how bizzare the free things will be,
they sent out cured horse meat.
it looked and kinda tasted like prociutto. only saltier.
and good lord we were this close to trying a beef tongue..something. nuts!

right now i'm getting my puff pastry on and whipping up some apple turnovers.
smells great.
i'm glad i went with the labour intensive recipe instead of the canned apple pie filling recipe.
seriously. canned apple pie filling?
says the girl who de thawing the frozen puff pastry!

took a day off this week and went down to seattle for the day,
which was great.
hats off to james moes for a fantastic breakfast reccomendation.
having left at 7.30 in the morning and arriving back in east van after 10,
twas a long day. a good day.

and now i'm sitting here at 2 in the afternoon,
a sore spot in my back,
and a complete free weekend ahead of me.
i am so sleeping in.
and eating at deacon's corner.
do you wanna come with me?

i'm infected.
i'm on the brutalist anti biotic.
i take it and then i'm chilly and flu-y for a couple of hours.
but at least one of them i take at night time when i can sleep through it.

i made some banana muffins
but the baking soda didn't really activate
so they taste bitter.

i'm considering going for a pedicure after work,
but i don't really want to because my feet are nowhere good right now.
you know how you feel you have to clean because the cleaner's coming,
ya same thing over here.

i'm on a hunt for some cream/beige coloured pleated cropped pants. in maybe a light wool.
in plus size?
am i dreaming?
i bought some black ones,
three sizes too big,
dominantly polyester,
but they work.
i 'm holding out for these khaki ones.

COFFEE.

hey.
wanna bawl your face off?
then go here.

olivia and i just got back from roundel cafe.
mmm second breakfast. elevensies. delish.

i'm happy to report that my boots are now offically broken in,
no more are band-aids required to toughen up my feet before putting them on.

trying to plan a 30th birthday event for my bestest.
its funny because we're bestests, but apart from ourselves, we have none of the same friends.
we definately have distinctive and separate groups with which we run.
a couple of times we've attemped the whole cross over, intergrate dealy, but it never takes.
we usually can't stand quite a few things about three or more of the group.
so we've essentially stopped trying.
so all that to say, throwing a party is out of the question.
who would i invite, why would i?
i'm thinking a trip down to seattle for the day.
i know there is a dirty little bistro she loves,
and some good shopping.
yep. yep.
just asked for the day off. its a gonna happen.
especially since my sister is outta town for two weeks for work, leaving me her car.
holy crap. done and done.


(i just overheard my boss refer to twitter as tweet. 'i don't understand how so many people spend so much time using tweet')

i'm going to go and invest in a cup of coffee right now.

garance just did a post on what her top ten wardrobe basics are.
the ten or so things you can make work with just about everything..and that seem to make everything else work. her post was great. you can go read it here. i agreed with most items.
but here are mine.

1. slim black jeans. i have finally embraced them. now i can't get enough.
2. shawl-ish v-neck cardigan. navy or black.
3. my new zeha berlin boots. (scroll down a bit for a glimpse)
4. a good blouse-y t-shirt.
5. trench coat.
6. ray bans.
7. a handful of well cut blouses
9. a good belt. thats big enough to sling over hips, but also small enough to tighten at waist. (hello mad men)
10. hermes scarf. you know the ugly/beautiful square scarves? maybe not hermes. ka-ching.

if you read this you HAVE to tell me yours. i'm so curious.

i'm stuck in 'no social skill' hell.
the boss has a friend visiting from out east,
who, in eagerness to hang out with the kids,
has followed us around for, well this is the forth day.
i'm going crazy shit crazy.

i feel like in the last week or so,
something has shifted,
and now i understand that
one can actually go after what they want.
for me it comes to, job wise,
what i could do, vs. what i want to do.
in knowing that there was an natural cross roads approaching,
i'd been pondering what jobs would be accessible to me, but also that i would find some fufillment in.
but all of the options that i came up with fell squarely under could do.

so i've been dreaming about the want to do's.
and i've come up with a few,
all with a healthy dose of risk and fear involved,
but man,
the idea of chasing your dream.

thats where the mind shift has come into play.
i never considered before the idea of chasing a dream.
the idea of chasing something i knew i really wanted, but somehow figured it unatainable.

and this shift,
this realization alone,
is thrilling.

opened up this page to write with the intent of telling you how great my birthday was.
but now all i want to tell you about is how i want to kill and dismember a certain four year old.
wow.
i am way past my level of tolerance here.
currently i can hear her not staying in her room and banging her heels against the stair in order for me to hear her and deal with that.
i can't. rather, i sure as hell won't.

uhg. totally one of those mornings.
and i'm pretty sure i can trace it right back to the place in the morning where i didn't have any breakfast. i mean my clif bar. poTATEo poTATo.
12 grams of protein goes a long ways in terms of getting you through a teusday morning with three kids who are on spring break.

birthday party. great.
we didn't actually end up making any tea. juuuust whiskey.
and a lot of food.
chris gave me the most insane gilt gold frame that just might be my favorite gift.
and now i just remembered that my grandma sent me a card for my birthday saying this:
"thank you for your note thanking me for the cheque i sent you at christmas. i never hear from my grandchildren. have a good birthday."
which made my laugh and then convinced me to sent a great letter thanking her for the birthday cheque. and maybe some news from her eldest grandchild. man. so funny.
anyways that card came a week ago.
i need to write that letter.

tootles!

its my birthday!
these are what i want to buy myself. pretty no?

tonight i'm having a (not so wee) whiskey tea party and i'm really excited about it.
lately i've picked up some pretty talented and incredible people to commune with, all the the last week or two,
and they're all coming! yay.
and man, along with those who've been around for a while, i'm feeling blessed, blessed, blessed.
my dearest friend court, prepared me five different kinds of tea sandwich makings, and an apple upside down cake, and some bouquets of spring flowers! whoa!
how loved am i?
and i don't have anything left to do for the party except assemble and buy whiskey. the fireball kind. mmmmm. courtenay also gave me a smidge of her own stash, including a half cup or so of this crazy expensive kind that smells so great.
tomorrow might be kind of rough.

oh and also,
please go and look at
mandy and shari-anne's little project.
it makes me smile.

www.topsyturvyproject.blogspot.com

they take a new pair of opposite words every week,
and each of them illustrate/ create their own vision of the two words colliding apart from the other,

then post them.
awesome.

working a wee bitty over time
waiting until the kiddies get picked up by grandma. thus far, 44 minutes en retard.
have to rush shopping tonight for a baby shower gift for a dear friend,
i'm fearful that the rush shopping will......

oh dear.
i started that on friday, and then walked away until now.
the shower was great.
i found some lovely charley harper (my favorite) cardboard abc/123 books,
and a onesie or two.

olivia and i are cuddled up on the couch about to read, for the zillionth time,
junie b jones and the yucky blucky fruitcake.

i'm very, very tired.
fell into bed about 2 am last night.
a friends show,
pizza,
cigarettes.
drunk people telling me i'm the most gorgeous thing they've ever seen.
"seriously, is there anyway you'd date me"
no. because my creep-o-meter is very sensitive. you've alerted it.
but it yanked me out of the wee pity party that for some reason i decided to throw for myself within the space of 20 minutes or so.

and speaking of party,
tea?
whiskey?

beautiful things i've seen from reading about fashion week thus far.
the first two dresses are monique lhullier and caroline herrara,
and the third is an image i lifted from the sartorialist that i remain gob smacked by. its so brilliant this look. my new, maybe? hmm we'll see.

things i found today.

poppytalk (check out their vancouver page..so helpful!)

la fondarie (my new church when i move to paris)

logis.com (helping me find my new apartment in paris)

i've been a busy little internet crawler today.

all of it having to do with my move to paris in a year or so.

there are more,

but these were the ones that got me excited.

the abberation to the theme was poppytalk..whoa!

its so good!

and canadian!

happy friday,

i'm going to sneak outside now and have a smoke.

lovejulie

i've been sick,
i've been broken into,
i've dragged a screaming four year old to school and back,
i've cried (which turned into chest racking phlegm coughs).

i've had beautiful conversations,
i've invested in baking as my catharsis,
i've had friends offer to grocery store run for me,
i've laughed (which turned into chest racking phlegm coughs).

today is the 91st anneversary of the boston molasses massacre.
(in the last week, i've typed the word molasses so many times, its ridiculous).
i could type out for you all the details,
but instead i'll just post the link for you to read up on yourself.
rather interesting and wholly ridiculous.

tonight chris and i are hosting a memorial to the event,
wherein we partake in all things molasses,
and moreover,
all things storytelling.
because in life there is nothing like a good story,
and this little molasses hiccup is a great story.

i'm making a pot of boston baked beans,
some gingersnaps,
and because of the crazy stormy weather calling for something delicious and hot,
buttered rum!
until this story, i don't think that i knew molasses was a by product of rum and whiskey.

the two kids are busy watercolor painting in the kitchen,
its fun to overhear them share their idea's,
their translations of what they've put down on paper.

my new 23 dollar trench coat is a fashion game changer.
so were the 500 dollar boots.

but the coat.
i've been a frequent reader of the sartorialist,
and he recently completed a campaign for burberry called "art of the trench"
gorgeous photos from all over the world of people
wearing the famous burberry trench coat, their way.
totally inspiring, and forcing the question to myself
"why the hell don't i have one?"

well it found me.
maybe not totally ideal,
in terms of quality and perfect fit,
but 23 dollars!
and once i put it on,
i felt it.
GAME CHANGER.

i have no idea what that actually means,
but i'm anticipating good things.

umm i hope sandra doesn't read this,

but i opened up all 12 days of christmas in one day.

santa didn't bring me that self control i'd asked for.

baby's in the kitchen decorating cookies.
the kid has naturally good taste, so i don't feel the need to sit in there with her and mediate the process.
she's singing to herself and perfecting the use of the icing knife.

me, i'm in the living room, on my third cup.
boys are at a friends, holy moly thanks so much carrie.
i'm in a grump mood today.
and what a day for it, right before christmas eve, and we baked these cookies.. i don't think i made the event as fun as it could have been. boo me. just no patience, and too much controlling. things go so much better when i let them create things outside of how i would have done it. but today grump grump grump. sorry guys.

and why should i be so grumpy?
last night i got the best gift i've ever gotten in years and years.
a huge, huge box, wrapped and really heavy, with instructions not to open it until dec. 26th.
as if.
i opened it as soon as i got home,
and found a large beautiful note explaining that this gift was the 12 days of christmas.
whaaaat?
i pulled off some of the papers used to pack it, and inside wall to wall, top to bottom, are 12 beautifully wrapped gifts. each with its own hand drawn card explaining how it pertains to the 'day' it represents.

upon realizing what it was, my feet did not stop hopping, and i did not stop whooping, and then i cried. and cried. and felt so loved, and appreciated, and cared for..all these good things. and hopefully was able to communicate that a little bit to S later that night on the phone.
man, i have a present to open every day until january 6th.

so maybe today is like a hangover from that. hmm.

stuck in a mental place of regret.
sheree's song is going through my head
'can't live regret can only patch up the seams'

a very brief spot of morning where the house is completely empty and i've got a minute to finish my coffee and read the movie reviews for this weekend.
its the kids christmas concert at school, and the whole house emptied.
while normally i'm an emotional sucker for things such as the above, today there remained no other option for me than to stay and be surrounded by quiet and coffee.
the last two nights i've been out until midnight+, some shows etc,
but yesterday really did me in with 22 kids plus parents and siblings coming over for lunch post kindergarten. while trying to fend off this cold. whoa!

so i'm incredibly thankful for this moment.
its so still i can cut it.
and my coffee is not cold yet.
and there is lots of information on the massaschusetts molasses massacre...get excited, its coming..

also, i've been thinking that i'll never be a mccrary sister if i keep getting nervous shakey voice when impromptu asked to sing things..ann or regina would never get nervous shakey voice.

my second cup of coffee is brewing.
today three year old and i were making some christmas crafts,
(me trying to find every use possible for the behemoth stack of construction paper we purchased last week, seriously, 3/4 foot thick).
after we'd pasted together trees, santa's, santa's cousin baby jesus, some presents,
she got into drawing a picture that was mainly about me.
about how i'd been kidnapped and locked away,
and the bad people had replaced me so no one would know
(seriously, she's three..).
but the good guys figured out this replacement wasn't me,
because when they asked 'evil julie' if she wanted some coffee,
she said,
"no, i don't like coffee".
and the good guys said,
"you're not the real julie! what have you done with the real julie?"

blessed.

friends go on tour and leave me their house to sleep in if need be because its really close to work.

killed my cell phone but had three people offer up some extra's they had.

tired, but going home to watch survivor and grey's and snuggle on the couch.

the abundance of people needing a babysitter this time of year...

..making possible the purchase, finally! of a pair of gorgeous german made boots.

to be continued for sure.