god i'm so far north.
but i'm drinking decent coffee at the moment so that relieves some of the inherant negativity.
i wish i had mittens.
and a discussion about global warming,
apart from a 'scientists are the devil' mindset.
love from fort saint john.

my friend sandra walked into my apartment a week ago
joking about the perpetual squalor in which i live
"didn't you go to councilling to deal with this?"
in jest, knowing my councilling outcomes far more than most.
and it stuck in my head,
beacause it was funny.

and then this weekend, with the culmination of tonight,
in dealing with an urgent, negative chunk of life,
thinking
god, how am i still here?
how do i keep letting this stuff become so massive and all encompassing?
but in dealing with this latest life vomit,
i can see myself taking better steps
saying better things with faster responce times..
and then back to sandra's comment too,
the squalor, the severe financial instabiliity,
these things that i hate about myself,
used to drive me to dwell.
but a little investment in introspection
has bought perspective.
and perspective says
julie julie. you little learner you. nice work on dealing with this one.
it also says some lovely little cheesy things.

"We both know Julie.
Neither of us well, but she is the kind of human that all awkwardness of unfamilarity
is thrown out the window upon first introductions.
Someday you should experience a dance party with her,
it could change your life."

tonight i learned about something that has made me laugh and laugh.
not that laughing at a tragedy is anything to be deemed appropriate..
but its called

the boston mollases massacre of 1919.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boston_Molasses_Disaster

a friend is hosting a memorial party come january
(massachusets mollases massacre memorial)
wherein we remember,
with the creation and consumption of all things mollases.
bakes beans, pancakes, those cookies my mom used to make, whisky. you know.

so, although work will get me out of bed in five hours,
this item needed to be told.

actually molasses might be just a by-product of the making of whisky.
maybe i can let you know.

its nearly 2am lying here writing this.
i got in about an hour ago, from the theatre
seeing 'stranger than fiction' and 'little children'
both great,
but the former had me smiling and smiling.
the latter i loved, although i think i may have been a bit too tired to fully engage.

it'd already been a long day,
starting earlier than usual, in order to cover a few breakfast meetings.
and the kicker is, i'm to be up in a few short hours to meet my sister in langly as to head across the border.
i love me a little target therapy.
john junior bean will be supplementing the lost sleep, i assure you.

this afternoon my three year old picked a nickel off the ground,
and promptly turned and handed it to me,
with the words,
"this is for you because you are my best breakfast maker".

the two of them've been calling the littlest ming ming.
now this little thing has been through the gammot of nicknames in her short 10 month run of life.
but ming ming is especially endearing to me because
the addressing of her in this manner, is usually followed with some sort musical dialouge.
'ming ming, you cannot eat the dog food'
(i just realized as i was typing that you cannot hear the melody that i was typing it out to).

here are some the past references. each having the span of 1 week-3 weeks.
bugaboo
buga
buGGA
bung-ga
yaya
baby
frank
mushaboom
shoop shoop/loop loop
sister (as in SISTER! you cannot play with my trains!!!)
banana
strawberry

adieu.
i have overtired heartburn.
actually i've had heartburn for the last few days non stop.
damn the genetics.

iraq for sale.
jeff tweedy.

that was a good dvd night.
thanks tuesday.

beauty.
http://www.brocktyler.com/music/castthyburdens.mp3

i had a bit of a royal themed cinematic afternoon.
i saw both marie antionette and the queen,
both which i duley reccomend.
i attempted to find a rental of anna karenina at my local happy bats,
to no avail.
a certain 1967 version is coming out on tuesday however.
when i got home and IMDb'd it, i was suprised to see so many makes of this classic story.
the one i had been thinking of was filmed in 1997 starring sophie marceau.

i'm having a bit of a half assed nightmare with bedroom redecoration.
all the following things have proven to be banes.
getting down the mini blinds. was shocked to figure out how easy it acutally was.
screwing in the new drapery bracket. its not drywall, its not gyprock and the studs are out to left field. my number 2 philips is failing me.
screwing in a hanging lamp hook into the ceiling.
the paint job. the ideal has turned out to be a horrific, neon, acidic version, of the lovely pastel muted color i had in mind.
and also i'd like to strip the wood floors. but i mean, its a rental, is it really worth it?

tommorow liza and i have appointments at barbarella for long awaited and desperatly overdue hair cuts.
oh goody.

i've learned that pieces hate the obvious.

sunday night. with a good weekend behind me now.
friday after work, i transitted out to surrey to meet stephen.
then out to chilliwack for show with the rest of badgentina (watch that hard g there).
the whole thing was a bit of a gong show..
but we stayed out late, ate out late, got into the city late.

saturday, only a few short hours later, coffees firmly in hand,
we drove downtown for the buffy singalong.
how fun it is amongst a community of 200 with the same appreciation.
we were surprised by the large contingent of normal people, as opposed to past years.
thai food, mosaic, gigi's pizza.

i was outside for a moment at mosaic, and matty came down to join me.
matty has endeared himself to me.
i'm not sure of whats all going on for him,
some pretty serious mental things, as a banner.
walking outside he sees me,
"bella. what are you doing with that evil cigarette in your hand"
and pulls one out to light, with a smile.
i smiled and felt love of god.

i bought the new be good tanya's cd.
but i have not listened to it yet.
i'll let you know.

un petit montage.
the littlest, and the only girl. which can explain some attitude now and then.
the boys are on a superhero bent at the moment. here you can see the 'super mexicans'.
a recent trip to seattle with friends and relations.

"Dolly Parton is like this beacon of peace in the world
because people who hate each other love Dolly Parton.
Rednecks love Dolly Parton.
Gay people love Dolly Parton,
but they might hate each other.
So I think Dolly Parton is like this really nice point of light
where people can converge and enjoy her
and it's a pretty magical thing that she has managed to do."

greg walloch

"If the too obvious, too straight branches of Truth and Good
are crushed or amputated
and cannot reach the light,"
then "perhaps the whimsical, unpredictable,
and unexpected branches of Beauty
will make their way through and soar up to that very place
and in this way perform the work of all three."

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

just got in from a totally classic julie and stephen outing.
including all the following fundementals.
we put the fun in fundemental.
or the mental..
shitty food past any appropriate digesting hour.
happy bats cinema.
buffy. we have purchased our tickets for the singalong.

aside. the buffy the vampire singalong is an annual event here in vancouver.
doning costumes and finery,
the musical episode entilted 'once more with feeling' is aired.
singing along is mandatory.
also aired are a few other choice episodes.
so, october 28th, where will you be?

a major discussion on the poorly chosen apparel of a random pedestrian. fundemental you ask? sadly yes. this happens more oftan than one might like to admit.
a major oversight in evening plans.
a bicycle tucked neatly into the back of stephens van.
and lastly, some choice phrases uttered in unison
that i shan't copy out here.

tommorow is my 'friday'
flying to edmonton on real friday morning.

oh right its sunday night.
i guess since i'm just flopping here..
i'm TIRED.
today was a full day.
today was also rainy and full of decent sized walks.
walk number one. my house to the church for a meeting at one.
walk number two. church to the art gallery for a darfur thing.

which i'll aside here for a moment.
after rawanda we said 'never again'.
well hell, we need to make sure that never again means something.
darfur is insanely on the brink of genocide,
and its nearly the same situation UN wise, an unwillingness to step in.
and because of the unsafety, very few relief organiztions are going in.
come on canadian government. come on UN.
little fact. 648 letters to the government, i think last year, produced 400 million dollars for humantarian work abroad?
http://www.amnesty.ca/themes/sudan_darfur_conflict.php

ok walk number three. home from gallery.
walk number four. out of my apartment to the courtenay's car. then we drove over to the church space for a fest of a show which i'll be completely happy to never see again. aqua teen hunger force. kick me in the head.
also virginia native josh, made his famous tater tot casserole.
tater tots, cheese, mushroom soup and ground beef. i'm guessing regular, not lean.

back to the grind tommorow. i'm in decent countdown mode now, until my flight one province right.
one week this friday.
edmonton for about 18 hours, and then an excellent road trip one more province right, and into REGINA!!
gerrards and tylers unite.

i havn't had froot loops in, i'm sure, years.
but my mind just formed a perfect, mirage-like spoonful of them.
goodnight.

i'm taking that last one off,
really intresting, just a lot of words.
and hello. its 7.38 on sunday morning.
what the fuck
i would normally say.
but i'm just about off to the shower,
and then heading out to coquitlam
in a borrowed car.
to be there by nine oclock.
but right now its 7.39
and i have mild heartburn,
and greasy hair
and nearly no will to do anything about it.
my only beacon right now
is that coffee a few blocks away.

i'd like to break up the mid week monotony
with a beautiful little song that i found tonight
and havn't stopped listening.
and its by the most beautiful girl
whom i havn't seen in a few years.

hmm since i cannot figure how to bring the song to you,
please go to the song.
its posted on (my) myspace
please click on the right hand link.

its so lovely.

i feel burdened to this whole sunday night recap commitment.
especially so when i feel i have nothing to recap.
in my last post i mentioned my waning energy levels,
which really dictated my weekend i fear.
loads of sleeping in,
quite a bit of solitary red wine and smokes,
a viewing for the forth time of angelina jolie on inside the actors studio,
and i think which will now lead me to give forth my own answers to the bernard pivot questionaire.

What is your favorite word? plethora. incomparable
What is your least favorite word? quiver
What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? a perception of genuine
What turns you off? a perception of putting on airs..
What is your favorite curse word? fuck.
What sound or noise do you love? the sound of barefeet padding on smooth cement.
What sound or noise do you hate? open mouthed chewing.
What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? acting
What profession would you not like to do? doctor.
If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? no words. a smile, some tears and hug would be lovely.

i've had crap energy this week.
i'm lying here on my stomach
at 845 and i'm exausted.
i had plans to meet up with some friends,
but it felt good to bail.
if only it means i can stay here in my dark room
and maybe read some more anna karenina.
i've been a tolstoy virgin until now.
i came across this old copy of it at my parents house,
and what started as 'giving it a go',
is now a full fledged engrossment.

i'm holding very dearly to the fact that tommorow is friday.

i've rediscovered peanut butter and jelly
on wonderbread, as an adult.
running around/ bounding up and down stairs after three chillins all day
is a great way to not eat.
and come a moment of pause,
the most attractive thing in the world to me
is a pbj.

so last week was a day early
this week a day late
it all balances out hey?

i'm sitting on my parents back deck,
breathing in the scent of wack of different fruit trees
(which would belong to all the neighbors because my parents can't grow squat)
the pool looks at me with would be invitations
but for the algeside just thrown in.
i came home yesterday with a trunk full of lovelies
and have a full week of
rien rien.
my video store bound sister
has graciously HOOKED ME UP.
this week i'm planning to see all the ones i've been meaning to see.
last night was
paper clips and barbarian invasions.

saturday i rode down to the japanese festival
in a futile effort to meet up with friends
but still mine eyes took in some great sights.
after that i rode over to mosaic
with a mild stop for gelato.

friday night crystal and i were at the space until 12
painting, re vamping, breing creative.
my arms still bear witness to the plethora of colour.
and the new mosaic sign kicks ass.

i think it was my cousin joel
who once said that two in the morning is acutally a very productive time.
oh man.
i cleaned the two rooms of my house that are consistantly dead last on my desire/priority with a sponge list.
i freaking ajaxed the bathroom floor
and scrubbed that fucker with a vegetable scrubber.
thats something.
i also went to town on my kitchen. hallelujah the fruit flys desist.
i flopped into bed so satisfied. and woke up the same.

lantern festival tonight.

so the sunday night recap.
today was one of the best days i've had.
this morning i sky trained out to surrey to meet up with ben and sarah.
my heart is happy to see ben and sarah.
back to the hoskyn house for lunch and lounging.
a little croquet in the park.
very relaxing amongst conversations and such things.
sky training back into the city,
i had to drop off stephen's bus pass that i had borrowed.
a little hike up keefer to where a little contigent of a vineyard meets
andy kenton stephen leading worship,
and one of the best sermons i've heard in a loong time.
it was incredibly refreshing to sit back and work my mind.
a quick stop after at dq, where kenton tells us about frisbee golf.
frisbee golf?
sure, says kenton. buckets instead of holes. smaller, weighted frisbees. nine hole course. queen e park.
andy says, can't go back to langly without seeing this.
so we drive over to queen e park and play a round of frisbee golf.
i surprise myself with my ambidextrous, frisbee throwing, staying moslty within par, skills.
and back to the flat for laundry, cleaning skills.
sunday!

saturday the only thing intresting i did was leave the house at 7 for mosaic.
it was too hot.
after mosaic we went to scott and crystals for wine and fruit. perfect.

friday was the concert by the kids whom stephen and kenton
taught all week in the
school of rock.
totally cute.
three little ten year olds
rocking out to some rad tunes they'd learned.

so sitting here sunday night,
the alarm set for six hours from now,
i'm pretty excited to be going to work tommorow.
jax had his two year birthday party this afternoon,
so i'm curious about how it went down for him.
and opposed to how its been going in recent weeks,
the last week i'd been mostly having a great time again.
so heres to rocking out with a preschooler, a toddler and an infant.
and benny and sarah may come by.

and i'm kind of addicted to mah jong.

hmm. i think i'll start a sunday night tradition here at the blog.
for the second week now i find myself
up at a relatively late hour
having slept in
thus with no prospects for sleep on the horizon.
which make for intresting mondays at work.

a weekend recap?
friday night i hung out with my dearest courtnay
i think we did dinner..
saturday i slept late late
did a little shopping and walking in the neighborhood
and walked down to mosaic later on.
mosaic was good because it was super tiny this week.
a disheartened attept at social all accoss the board
found me walking late over to happy bats and got some movies.
today i spent the afternoon at our community bikes
learning about the various mechanical functions and maladies of my bike.
but now my bike is so perfect!
a quick hello with the toons at jj
then down to MEC to get a new bike lock
then dinner with courtnay one more.

and now i sit here.
i'm excited to ride my bike tommorow to feel the difference.
lussierhoskyn are here this week..mid i think.
but a whole other week until it gets detailed.
maybe i should climb into bed and pretend that sleep is upon me.
and also my house is screaming for a clean. screaming.
have i mentioned my love affair with red river?
its so delicious first thing in the morning. a little demurera..ooo.

last night after mosaic,
josh and his american, david bazan lookalike contingent, jay and ross
along with suzie and i
walked down to the night market
strolled around
introduced bubble tea, against my attempted veto.
ate lots for cheap.
then we drove over to the drive.
attempted havana's..who has their last call at 11 on a saturday night?
decided to walk up to wazubee's.
4 pitchers of beer on an american credit card later,
we decided to crash at suzie's place, which is decently close by.
jay and ross proclaim their midwestern roots
and deem themselves impervius to such a low consumed amount of alcohol.
"we're midwestern."
we drive slowly the 10 blocks to suzie's house.
roomate absent means a bed for julie.
too hot upstairs, so i grabbed a pillow and headed out to the hammock.
my hindsight time perception i'm sure is slightly scued due scottish cream ale.
but i lasted maybe about 1/2 hour, 45,
and then i'm too cold.
back to bed..around three..
up at 7..can't sleep
look through absent roomies books
read 'god in the allies' in its entirety.
10 everyone else starts to stir,
we leave for breakfast on main street.
five breakfasts on a different american credit card later,
we say goodbyes, great to meet you's
have fun selling your fireworks
thanks for treating
no its a twoonie
thats a loonie.

i can't believe its so summer.
this whole week has been daunting temperature wise.

lots going on.
i've stepped up my game with the bike,
its now my sole mode.
in tweaking my route to work in the mornings
i found the loophole in the crazy hills
thus eliminating the ole 135 b-line.

recording vocals in well under way,
two songs down, four to go.
although you can't listen to us,
click on the myspace link to your right
it will lead you to the lo fatal page.

my lovely, left to die at the side of the road, small group
has been resurrected
same crew, a few bonus'
and i feel like a little piece of me that i didn't know was agitated,
is sitting back in peace.

three kids is morphing slowly into something i might deem managble
although daily expression of 'deux terrible' is waring.

summer plans are not rampant 8 days into summer.
i'm looking forward to the crazy lussier-hoskyns mid july.
maybe a few trips to seattle
definatly some weekend treks to bowen island
and perhaps perhaps perhaps a little trip with coo coo out to the tree spheres for a night.

how about you?

thought it 'bout time to post some pics from my 9-5 life..
1. walking home from the library, suddenly they tagged teamed me with demand for 'big' carrots.
2. my little city boys. emma peel the dog.
3. the littlest.
4. you could not ask for more doting big brothers. they wrote her a song. "misssssss olivia joooooyyyyy" x 12
5. jax left with no strength to attempt lunch.

this comes from the smelly kelly. a very cool idea.

Step 1: Put your itunes or whatever on random.
Step 2: Post the first line from the first 20 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing the song.
Step 3: Post and let everyone you know guess what song and artist the lines come from (choose only ONE line!!).
Step 4: Strike out the songs when someone guesses correctly.
Step 5: Looking them up on Google or any other search engine is CHEATING!


1. when you try your best but you don't suceed
2. the first thing i remember knowing was the lonesome whistle blowing
3. save some face, you know you've only got one
4. they say it fades if you let it, love was made to forget it.
5. rows of houses all bearing down on me
6. not talking about a year, not three or four
7. can we fix it? yes we can
8. we looked down the dead man hill smoking vines like cigarettes
9. pictures of naked stuff on the floor, money on the floor
10. i have called you children,i have called you son
11. nothin unusual nothin strange close to nothing at all
12. Lundy, Fastnet, Irish Sea, I got a message I can't read (unless you know....ya good luck with this one)
13. in home theatre, still projecting, undestructing
14.drink up baby down, are yuo in or are you out?
15. i can say that iv'e lived here in honor and danger
16. the evening was long, my kisses were true
17. i fell in love again, all things go
18. when you smiled at me, i guess you did not see
19.i don't want to belive that all of the above is true
20. seems theres nothing that you couldn't do with the drink inside of you

everyone just left my place.
i'm sitting in this post succesful gathering satisfaction.
and i'm glad that i've gotten over the weird aversion to hosting that i've always had.
i used to get really stressed out, and would generally avoid it.
i think, slowly, but definatly consciously, i've realized that nothing needs to be perfect.
you tell people that they'd better bring stuff cause you've got nothing. and they do.
so stress free!
i mean, so i have to clean for a few hours in the morning.
but who am i kidding. the ole apartment needs a little more than a light dusting.
its probably the only incentive for cleaning i'll ever get.

studio late the other night.
recording vocals late not a good idea.

last weekend i went over to bowen island for breakfast
it was incredible.
i hopped the 9.05 ferry there and the 12.35 back.
the old stand by phrase of it being so quiet i could acutally think
was great. great. true.
i felt like my mind and heart had all the freedom to just dwell.
brought my journal, my laptop, and my rwanda book.

sunday i woke late, got so immersed in watching first wives club
that i realized i was late for board meeting bbq.
[a mild shout out to sarah coull. gordon smith is our spiritual mentor figure. i said i knew you]
after i 'helped' matt and sandra pack the moving van/eat gratitude pizza.

tommorow is friday.

its always a good beginning to a weekend
when your boss hands you a martini as you head out the door.
also good is to come home and have a little cat nap.
tommorow morning i'm heading over to bowen island for the morning.
my new favorite place for breakfast.
incredibly out of the city
but so accessibly close.
if you'd like to come, give me a call before 8.30am.

when you smiled at me
i guess you did not see
the fire you lit inside
much to my surprise i fell for you

your simple self absorbtion
leaves me cold and lonley
is it too much to ask
for you want me only?
my simple self absorbtion
leaves me cold and lonley
is it too much to ask
for me to want me only?

i love my apartment clean.
and rearanged.
and vanilla dreams.
would anyone like to have a dream with me?
i love skip bo. and swiss chalet.
i love change for laundry. and clean clothes.
i love wesely wydam price. and winifred.

last night i loved amanda sage matt sandra josh.
i loved cheesecake and port.
i loved flying time.

soon i will love bowen island.
soon i will love my own balls for taking a chance.
soon i will love my bike with properly inflated tires.
soon i will love another americano.

new recording photo's at
http://www.flickr.com/photos/edgejulia/

aaand a possible refrain of
'mustang julie' may be soon in order.

bonjour je m'appel julie.
j'assis ici a l'espace
ce soir je travaille pour mosaic, c'est pas une mal nuit, ecoutez la musique pour dix dollars un heure.

i'm writing bcause i have a mild pang of guilt for having not written anything new in a while.
but really, i think, what is new?

no more car. much more legs and bus. more bike. more good.
more coffee for sure as i have discovered jj's americanos. allow me to exclaim, 'holy shit'.
more returning affections for a someone who pops in and around my life everynow and then. the affections are usually directly related to those poppings. the word fickle just popped into my head, but i know its not an accurate describing of said affections. huh.
alors, ques que c'est? ces't juste bien.
more movies for sure. i finished my foray into joss whedon a few weeks ago, niether happy nor sad, but only the sense of longing for more, while happy that such a time occupier has come to an end.
the squid and the whale is sitting in my bag. so is HP #4.
no more roomate. for the summer at least. she has driving up to F St John leaving my house not as cozy.
more sickness. i think i've said this before, but working with kids has made me little miss suseptable, and i've been laden for the last few weeks. its on its way out i think.
more reading. 'eyes of the tailess animals'; 'we wish to inform you that tommorow we will be killed with our families'. the former an account of a NKorean prisoner, the latter a collection of stories from rwanda. both stunning reads.

d'accord, c'est tout. j'ai besoin du cafe. ou biere.

i'm sitting here
in the middle of what
is the first day
in a very long time
that i've had absolutly nothing to do.
it feel quite weird.
this morning i went shopping
got lunch from the deli
and now i'm home again
realizing my options are vast for the remaining good friday.
i feel like driving and driving and driving.

its so satisfying to climb into bed
while its still light out
feeling so tired
and so at peace
knowing how much sleep you are going to get
and how rested you will feel.
although all a bit deceptive now
with the sun sitll around until nine..

i'm so happy.
i went looking for some photo cd's
to upload on to my computer
and in my travels
i found
a rogue burned copy
of naomi sider's apearing as herself
i'm so thrilled!
this cd was my nearly sole soundtrack
for a crazy period in my life
having just moved to the city
hating my job
a seemingly broken heart..
so much.

jo tagged me a few days ago but i forgot until now. and i am not tagging anyone.

FOUR JOBS I’VE HAD
1. retail clothing (x3)
2. mccarthyism breads.
3. kawkawa camp and retreat
4. the marchment/ruthven household in east van.

FOUR MOVIES/SHOWS I’VE BEEN ADDICTED TO:
1. buffy the vampire slayer
2. angel (currently)
3. lost
4. gilmore girls

FOUR PLACES I’VE LIVED:
1. the vage, saskatewan
2. chillismack
3. vancouver
4. moscow

FOUR COUNTRIES I WOULD LIKE TO VISIT:
1. russia
2. czech republic
3. china
4. finland

FOUR POPULAR FALSE ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT ME:
1. i'm older
2. that my social ease is transendant accros the board
3. i'm laughy all the time.
4. that those are my kids.

FOUR PEOPLE I LOOK LIKE (according to some people):
1. mama
2. smelly
3. selma blair
4. someone's cousin from tuscany. always tuscany. so odd.

FOUR THINGS (I HOPE) TO DO BEFORE I DIE:
1. live like a true blower in the wind. to be able to do that.
2. be the guest on 'inside the actors studio' with james lipton
3. love fully
4. learn to love red wine.

i've been thinking about my life these last few weeks
and how different it is now.
i'm not sure compared to what.
it just feels lovely and more complete,
and i feel more content.
every night of the week finds me out of my apartment,
which i used to think would overwhelm me,
and i'd burn out.
but its so good.
every night out is apart of me.
not just a commitment,
but an extension of my life,
that i love.
i'm finally doing music outside of the walls of church.
i'm stepping into myself with my councillor,
and see the fruits of it
every encounter of the day.
i have a ridiculously fantastic community
which isn't always easy
but always beneficial.
i've learned the dependance on coffee,
and i can't remember why it took so long.

i suppose this is the beginning of this expression.

i went into pulp fiction books the other day to try and find a ramona quimby book for a gift
and found a copy of fast food nation.
so i'm reading that.
or rather, i'm about to stop typing to go and read that.
tommorow is friday, and also payday. a very special day.
tomorow night is daves birthday party.
saturday is crystal's cherry blossom picnic birthday party,
and also joel's show at night.

you know how when you clean your bedroom
put on fresh sheets
light a candle...
ya. that feeling. me.

julie
cannot
cannot
cannot
stop listening to
judee sill
'the lamb ran away with the crown'
you
must
must
must
download it.

a band website of sorts
www.myspace.com/lofatal
although i don't think the song part is working.
dave?
dave?
i don't think the song part is working! dave!

totally just got back from the
"oh my god i'm hungry but its almost midnight"
run to 7/11 with my roomate.
hotdogs and s/v chips.
daaaaaamn.

au revoir weekend.
today was an insanely interesting day.
benjamin's third birthday party began somewhere around ten this morning
and its always exausting to be around excitable children en mass

then probably the most intresting thing of all, around mid afternoon
i helped a poor fugative escape from a tyrannous rule.
loaded up my car, even the bags that were hidden in the bamboo bushes.
and now i have a roomate. more than welcome sweet child of freedom.

and i just got back from band practice
which went really well
except my poor voice of improper use
you will learn you will learn.

et maintanant
angel. pauvre conner. pauvre wes.
c'est trop triste.

i'm half dressed, sitting in bed
thinking about my new shirt that i get to wear to mosaic later
but for now i'm typing,
and playing around on IMDb
i love that website
this day began with the toons for lunch
and then shopping with lisa along main
ees our hood ees our hood
i have to be at mosaic in 1/2 hour.

last night we had a birthday party incredibly belated
quite small, quite lovely
great thai, great beer

thusday night my long lost friend courtney came over
and made me dinner
fantastic chorizo, handmade by this crazy man, so the story goes, was the focus
of the savoriest pizza i've ever had
we found a delicious red wine
and a ghetto grocery store dessert.
perfect.

today i am wearing my lucky underwear.
i wonder what will happen.

it all worked itself out
and then some
friday night i stayed on stephen and lisa's couch
which was great and nice and family-ish
left the house about noon when
kelly came out
and we drove around the us of a for a few hours
went to mosaic
still not having keys for my place yet
ARRG
out for foundation
got new keys
borrowed lost season one from jesse
then had a great sunday
it was a lovely weekend.
lovejulie

my spirit is weighed down with heavy
smelly shit.
all day i've been looking forward
to going home after work
taking a bath
and a nap
then leisurely making my way over to the space for a show
but as i was getting ready to head home
my keys are nowhere to be found
the keys for my car
the keys for my house
the keys for my peace and heart
i ended up walking all over creation
reatracing every step i'd made today
to
no
fucking
avail.
finally around six i left my work
got on a bus.almost the wrong bus.changed buses.missed my stop.walked walked.
got to the space to use the phone
turns out landlord is a scatterbrained ass who can't get me in to my place/a new set of keys until tommorow/late afternoon.
and my sister is graciously driving out from chilliwack to offer me a new car key.

but tonight.
i am all empty.
drained of all control for emotion
of all enegery (which could be topped off if i go eat something)
seemingly of all will to hope, which is mostly not true.

jesus help me i can't.

and a good, slightly inebrieated conversation about indigo girls
this past week
has me
immersed
immersed
'what makes me think i can start clean slated
the hardest to learn was the least complicated'
'well you set up your place in my thoughts
moved in, and made my thinking crowded
now we're in the back with the barking dogs'

i don't think i've ever said it before
but yesterday was the best birthday
great breakfast
great party
great morning after cake..cakes!
two of my friends made birthday cakes

i'm lying here in my bed
already two in the afternoon
thinking how i have soundcheck at 4
and i'm so happy
mostly about yesterday
but in general, with life, and yesterday being only a small reflection
of healing, of growth, of a steadfastness that is slowly forming its foundation
of community that is slowly being allowed to establish its roots
in my life
in my life
i've been scattered like the leaves
i've been running just to find some peace

holy crap i've been on the computer for over two hours
but all good
talking with my long lost ottawa girl
and her male and two girls
and a life i have not been familiar with in much too long
so lovely.

and i forsee myself not falling asleep terribly fast..
tommorow is my favorite day of all days.
and i'm going out for breakfast with my favorite people
then going to work at my favorite time. late.
and the rest of the day will, with all hope,
fall beautifully into place.
i love tommorow.

this friday marks a quarter century of julie.
it is a day more special than most.
especially
for this one who enjoys her day of birth very much.
so i invite you
to both start the day
and end the day
with bit of a bang.

7am on friday, until around 8/8.30
berts restaurant on main st between 13th and 14th.
before your work, before your school,
come eat breakfast

8pm on friday night, until ...
julie's house at #208 20 E12th Ave (SE corner of 12th and ontario)
bring your favorite wine etc or item of consumption
(just refrain from bring the disease of the same name)


some of you i talked to at mosaic, some of you wern't there, some of you are further away, and some of you live in gatineau. sur the pont alexandre. on le danse. on le danse.
come for one, come for both.
either way,

tonight i went for dinner at the house of friends of friends.
i'd forgotten the culture which dictates the imparativeness of taking one's shoes off before entering.
i was not wearing socks reflective of self.

i am beginning to pick up a pattern,
when introducing my proffession to new/young parents.
they get this look,
"crap.
what has she seen, how is she judging..?"

and on an altogether different topic
i feel like its a confession
that i, for the last two years or so
had let my love for radiohead
fall to the backburner in favor of the new, shiny, pretty people.
last night i watched this documentry on them,
and fell head over heels
all over again
i can't stop listening
can't stop listening
the bends. kid a.
true love.

can't stop listening
to bell orchestre
be still my heart

i have a headache the size of all get out.
last night we donned our heels, made much too massive cosmo's
and chatted until late late
a continuing party of smaller proportions
went on
with
hubble! oh my god its totally hubble
and
charlotte getting her zsa zsa jew

i am at mosaic for sound check
the drums being played
pounding pounding
my head
where the hell is my coffee

i hung out with miss katie in vanc and m.r
she showed me where all the good blogs are!
she let me ride her scooter!
she gave me a rad old bike!
she shared some good satisfaction with me.
as soon as i got home i rode over to matt and sandra's.
but they were not home.
or sleeping.
i can alrerady feel my non cyclist muscles getting so sore.
tommorow will be a hoot.
but watch out summer.
cyclist julie will be out in full force.

so right off, i should admit that i stole the above page title from ben.
but, really, he doesn't use it anymore
and it makes me laugh everytime i see it.
if you want it back, let me know. but then i will bring up the time you hacked into mine...

today is shaping around nicely into a great day.
i got off work at one today,
and the sun runs amuck, bring 15 degrees with it.
i'm sitting here in the stairwell
thinking about walking over to jj bean
to write in a negleted journal
and think
and be free to do nothing
amongst people
and a free cup of coffee, {thanks to my bosssss for the prepaid}
it all feels neccesary.
neccesary.

today i chose convenience over the good of my global neighbor.
damn the rain.
damn the long day at work.
damn drive through starbucks.

i've become quite the little prodigy
at hijacking internet signals
walking around my apartment building with my laptop
i've found a pretty consistant spot in the stairwell between the 2nd and 3rd floor
so thats nice.

ok here is who i've ruled out.

on denial:
lora
amanda
lisa/stephen
matt/sandra

on assumption to do with personal ethics regarding commerce:
heidi

what about kelly?
no i don't think it was kelly.

i will solve this.
tho others are telling me to let it be,
i will solve this.
like elizabeth getting to the bottom
of what the true reason was for darcy being present at the marriage
of lydia and wickam.
there is no let it be.

ok belated secret santa
who the hell are you.

today i got a package in the mail.
containing
pride and predjudice
jane eyre
and a lovely blue scarf
and a card which spoke of knowledge that i didn't get everything i had hoped for christmas.

my powers of detection have revealed that the box was sent
yesterday
from abbotsford
and now i am on a handwriting comparison mission.

a conversation that went funny real fast.

heidi: julie, where were you saturday night? i meeeeeeeeesed you.
julie: yes. i was in portland. i know you missed me. i am a mosaic staple.
matt (jumping in): small and pointy and made of metal?
[laughter]
julie: ha. good at holding things together.
[laughter]
matt: easily discardable and replaceable?
[laughter]
heidi: needs a good bang to make it go?
[much laughter]

in my beginnings to addresss my severe financial shortcomings
i am so excited
to come home from the grocery store
and marvel at how much food stuffs i got for 40 bucks.
and to have your total come to 40.63
when you've budgeted 40.
now thats skills.
well, skills when you're not even remotely a math oriented person.

matt and sandra came up to me on wednesday
and said
'hey what are you doing this weekend..saturday until sunday?'
how can you not throw yourself fully on board to plans that commence with the details of saturday until sunday.
those, to me, are the perfect opening details.
so saturday morning we're driving to portland! oregon!
to see a show at the mississippi pizza pub. ha.
and we're making into a weekend.
this is altogether thrilling, relaxing, perfect and lovely.

have i mentioned the jeff tweedy solo show?
ohhhh yes.

i just got in
from a friends art instillation at emily carr
its raining raining outside
every muscle in my body is tense and sore
i'm currently reading
pride and prejudice
joan baez
(i'm actually looking over to my nightstand to see whats on it, because my mind is not really working)

my mind is wandering as i sit here..
i'm thinking about my friend heidi
and what a lovely presense has come into my life with her
and her wonderful husband micheal
on whose art instillation we feasted.

i'm tired
and my feet are a little bit smelly.
and its already ten oclock.

sunday i
woke at noon
happily ran into joel and robin at jj
gourged on waffles at matt and sandra's
looked pretentious typing in my journal while eating dinner at locus
watched buffy
discovered garage band on the ibook
played with garage band until five am.

i sound pretty.

today i
woke late
watched buffy
wrote kg an email
got a free coffee at jj
hurried up and waited at rehersal
mosaic
tried to stop myself from putting all my eggs labeled CRUSH/LOVE OF MY LIFE in one basket
chided myself for being sad that all my eggs got taken away
went to toons
ate chinese
drank winebeermikes
happy new years
chatted with dave at 2.30 outside over smokes
climbed into bed