my feet are christmased out.
but to my great relief i've finished my perfect gift hunt, but for the elusive brother's girlfriend.
i don't like wrapping thigns, just decorating them when they are already wrapped.
thats why i got brown paper.

"arrrrreeessssst me. it was flat.
arrrrrrresssst me. again, flat.
arrrrresssst me. yep, still a little bit flat on the reeesstt me. "

this was my night last night.
my first studio experience.
its weird hearing your voice naked with nothing else, but so good with everything else. uh..i think... =)

i was going to go see jonathon inc tonight at the railway. to support the michelle of wonders.
i have to pee.
i have to switch my laundry over.
i have to clean up my supper mess.
i have to go to seattle on tuesday. (yipeee)

i feel like i could have walked for ever and ever.
a smoke and a mocha around the neighborhood
good for the heart soul lungs mind cheeks.

i'm sitting here, having just got home, fucking GORGing myself on chocolate cherry bread
won't you oh won't you come and take this off my hands?

last night to my jubilation i won an ebay auction for ride snowboard boots, designed by john fluvog. OH OH OH.
my friend dave and i, every day at work, go like this, "shoo. shoo. shoooooo." (along with the motions of carving). we have plans to go up quite soon.

yep, still eating this damn bread.

i find folding laundry extremely relaxing and cathardic.
i plan to balk at all traditional wifey roles except folding laundry.

on other plains,
my sister had a chris campbell sighting in winnipeg this week.
to my horror and chargrin, she didn't go and say hello.

most of the time i crave being a homebody and then just end up being bored and restless.
tonight was a good night for my homebody cravings.
i cleaned, i did a bit of furnature rearanging, did laundry, talked to some friends, ate pickles and soy ice.. and now i have a good book to read in bed, thanks to one reasha lillies.

huh.
its only 11.30
i just got home from work christmas party.
i'm a little this
a little that...

i feel perfect.
a yummy early supper with my favorite.
before and after work, for him and me, respectivly.
i'm, as i write, ingesting a delicious hot chocolate from, the somewhat pretentious, lugz.
i just went to the bathroom.
i'm listening to ( ).
i'm smelling the gingerbread julie (with her name written on her underpants) that a friend made. its next to a candle, and the scent is mingling.
its only 6. i feel like i have the whole night to be free.
so, if only momentarily and fleeting, i'm satisfied.

the mountains opened on saturday.
the craving is rising with the new knowledge, that now i can.
oh but when. oh but when.

i just bought a multitude of groceries to make a relativly simple dinner.
but now i don't want to make my supper,
beacuse i like the way groceries look in my fridge.

hot shower
time for bed
tommorow is the proverbial friday
white duck tape is ingenious. looks like plaster to me.
i like cream in my coffee
i like to sleep late on sundays
nobody know's me like my baby
i like eggs over easy
with them flour tortilla's
nobody knows me like baby.
i put my favorite white dress on
and my two dollar shoes
tie my hair up the way up you like
make you see that i'm still in love with you.
i've got reservations
about so many things
but not about you.
well you've set up your place in my thoughts
moved in and made my thinking crowded
i could go crazy on a night like tonight
summers beginning to give up her fight
and every thought's a possibility
when voices are heard but nothing is seen
why do you spend this time with me
maybe an equal mystery.
montage.

hey guys. i'm totally in transistion these days...without internet connection. so i'm sitting here in a coffee shop, trying to feel the virtual love.
as i check my eamil i've realized all the rad things that happened in the last week. some shows, meetings...all missed because of expensive network cable. but as of friday, i'll be loving blair adn candace a great deal.

so greetings to my loves.

god is beautifully faithful this week, despite, it seems, my shitty brokenness.
faithful to hear and answer the weird non coherent crys of my heart for healing. for love. for..stuff. =)

there are two things i would like to tell you about. so much so, that thinking about them drew me here to tell you.

one. the movie 'zelery'. its a czech film. its beautiful. for you vancouver's, its playing at tinsletown.

two. a few weeks ago at mosaic, me and dana were counting the offering up in don's office, and amongst the coin and some cheques, was a safeway gift card for 25$. on it was written, "donalds food voucher".
donald is a really neat guy. he's a recovering drug addict, loves jesus, feels called to be a shephard one day. in his life, he feels like he's not ready/strong enough to receieve any cash help, so amongst other things, the church gives him safeway cards.
when i saw the card in the offering, and dana explained to me what it was, i wanted to cry.
he faithfully, sacrificially, gives 10% of what he has.
of what he's given, he doesn't hesitate to realize the blessing of god and give back.
oh jesus.

in my tired and irritated state
i'm, at the moment, thrilled that i'm moving to my own bloody apartment at the end of this week.
me myself and i.

spent the weekend in chilliwack, having fun, getting tired out.
got some really good music that i just need to share.
from a basement on a hill-elliot smith. phenomenal album.
there will be a light- ben harper and the blind boys of alabama
hymns of the 49th parallel- kd lang. stunning. covers of all these rad canadian musicians including joni mitchel (who never lets anyone cover her stuff), ron sexsmith, jane sibbery, bruce cockburn, leonard cohen.
stan robinson- stan robinson. oh ya.

well, i'm feeling the need to climb into bed, away from weird things, and read. harry potter? don miller? will i ever finish naomi klein?
my feet are cold.

some lisa wisdom.
"i want to be so careful about being, while in my desire to see justice, not judging. its such a fine line. especially when the injustice is hurting you and creating this unhealthy thing in you. "

"god doesn't care about muffin bags."

and some julie wisdom.
"always keep an emergency bus twoonie somewhere safe, for when the morning comes that your car has been broken into and the burgler somehow finds your spare key (that you thought you lost) on the floor and then breaks the key off in the ignition making it very hard to start the car with your own key."

wow. tongiht was a funny night.
at the last minute, thanks to ben and his compassionate guestlist powers, i got into a good show for zero dollars.
i should admit here though, its not this nice little rareity that happens when my freinds put me on the guest list. i ask for it all the time. i like getting into shows for free. if you're in a band, and ask me to come to a show, i'll ask about a guestlist. i will. i'm shameless. but humble too. =)

and a good, nay great, walk for, what ended up being crepes and coffee. james frey, art, life. a good fizzle drizzle kinda rain.
i got excited about some creative stuff. its good for me to think intentionaly about being creative. i think i like myself more.
good night.
i'm listening to damien rice and reading searching for god knows what. oh, and go see the motorcycle diaries. beautiful. perfect.

church art. 

i'm watching
i am sam
i'm bawling.

::edit:: make that sobbing.

today i bought christmas tree ornaments.
i was walking around the bay, and suddenly there i was surrounded by all things christmas and beautiful. and then suddenly i found myself surrounded by tables declaring '75% off'.
and i thought to myself, what a wonderful world.

i also bought a pumpkin pie. (behind my hand i'm giggling).

hey buggers i made a quiz so you can show me your love in intellect forms.
take said quiz. prove your powers.

i wish you all could hear my little ode to soy milk that i'm singin.
seriously, my discovery of soy milk has put dance in my step
loopyness on my face
clear sailing in my bowles.
amen.

julie holds enlightenment.  

yikes. bikes.
i'm moving.
i'm worried about the pending stress.
oh help.

edmonton sarah.  

staying with this fine lady and her house of wonder and commnunity. its so great. i havn't seen her in two years (three?) and its so great to be here.

i would move to edmonton in a second were it not for inconceivable cold and that its not vancouver.
i have been blown away (blindsided) by the amount of people i have reconnected with.
tonight me and karms are going to nathan and heidi's for supper. then everyone else is coming over. i love it.
last night we went over to lane's. tim and carmen were there. my my.

you don't know these people.

uh huh.

the one day i feel like walking and walking.
torrents.
lunch.newspaper.bible at the mongol grill. cheap and yummy. a winning combination.
after i walked to lugz coffee.
so, super hot ethan hawke lookalike guy, turns out to be super short ethan hawke lookalike guy. the workers there stand on a platform behind the counter. i chuckled to myself.
then it wasn't pouring,
so decided to walk to mec.
heard some urban legend about 14 dollar rain coats. no dice.
walked back
picked up 6 dvd's for 10 bucks. rented that is. heathers, billy elliot, dogma, the hours, about a boy, best of will ferrell. heeee.
i'm drenched. but in a nice, gettin ready to cuddle up on my couch kinda way.

some thoughts from a tired, worn out mind. today.
-i'm glad that there is a grocery store both really close to my house, and on the way home from work. thats nice.
-my life is rich frienship wise. really rich.
-damn, i forgot milk.
-christa from work looks like it'll be a really cool friendship.
-i wonder if i should round a bunch of people up to go see saved! at the cheap theatre, or wait until it comes out on video.
-oo! i always forget there is orange juice in here. yay!
-what a sweet movie.
-i'm happy that i havn't been as lazy a protester as usual with the whole anti starbucks thing. thanks super hot guy at lugz.
-i wonder if celeste is still in langely, or back in hope.
-i kinda wish i didn't have to go to bed so early tonight..but i guess i'm glad because it will make me stay and cuddle on my couch. thanks super hot guy at lugz. just kidding.
-only two more days of work, then two days off, and then two more days of work...and then..OREGON!! (i've done this minute little equation about a hundred times today)
-whats that smell. whats trista making. wierd.

today surprised me.
my sister called at 930 to say that she's coming to vacnouver.
i say, come over. we'll go to the ikea thats closer to my house.
i say, you need a new bible? lets go to the bible society. a whole store full of just bibles.
i say, let me take you down main street. into some cool stores that make me adore vancouver.
my sister says, ok. i will buy this skirt. wow. its nice.
i say, you're so cuuuute. chilliwack will not know what to do with the greatness of this skirt. you are a vancouver girl at your core. i know it.
my sister says, nope. i'm staying (in chilliwack).
also,
i had enough points on my superstore card for 20 bucks free groceries. beautiful music to these broke ears. i bought chicken, and rice, and banana's, batteries, butter, and bbq sauce.

and hurrah all my friends are back in there normal beds. its so nice.

so.
my flight that i thought was going to be $50 each way,
is now only $9 each way.
what the hell.
are you even making money you silly people?
fly me away.
to telecaster, to dargy poo, to karmenchu, to meganheatherbecki, to katiebaby.

:edit:
not only did the price go back up to 50, it has now gone to 84.
moral of the story. always have money on your mastercard ready to go at a moments $9 flight sale.
daaaammmnnn.

this is celeste and her friend christoph...=)
celeste and i are going to oregon for a week.
we are both thrilled at this pending vacation.

"When we talk about relationships with people, we use phrases like "invest in people," "this person is priceless," or "this relationship is bankrupt." By using economic metaphor we've begun to think of love like money. There is this sense that we can't love homosexuals because that's endorsing them. So, we spout little cliches like "hate the sin, but love the sinner" but we don't actually do that. We sort of isolate ourselves from the world because we fear them, we don't understand them. I think the root of that problem is the fact that we treat love like money. We exist in this social economy where we use affection as dollars."

"...One of those issues is homosexuality. Conservatives will say, you shouldn't embrace these people or accept them in our community or let them be in leadership positions because it's a sin, and they're all pissed off. Certainly it's a sin; it's something that God probably wants to deal with people about. But homosexuality is not a sin any more than, say, gluttony is a sin. And that means we love them, we keep them in our community. If they repent about it and want to try to change, that's great. If they don't I'm not going to kick them out of our community. When science says people are born homosexuals, I would say absolutely people are born homosexuals. Satan is an unfair guy, he rules this world."
-donmillerinterview

hey guys i saw this on someones blog, and out of boredom i loved the idea. so its the 'say something about your friends but don't tell them its them'. you can try and guess if you like.

1.I can’t say that I’ve liked you for my whole life, but I’ve probably loved you the whole time. But now I like you. And respect you and your heart. I want the best for your mind and your heart and your life. Move to Vancouver. Ha. You are generous, loyal, compassionate to a fault (nearly), funny, beautiful, stylish and finally an individual. I love it. I love seeing you be a woman, being a liver of life. With you I’m the most real I ever am. The most comfortable. You are life long. Thank god.

2. My oldest friend. Junior high. But now you’re far away. I have long long respected your absolute individuality and confidence. Your satisfaction in who you are is astounding to me. And your love for where you came from, baffles me sometimes. But in you I can see it, and love it too. I love that you are amaaaazing at keeping in touch when it gets to be just a little too long. And the ease in getting together with you even after something like two years.

3. You are the wisest, most confident but at the same time beautifully insecure woman. I can’t believe you’re younger than me some days. And your style leaves me nothing but a copycat. I respect how real you are in everything. With your marriage, your friendships, with your relationship with jesus. I have learned to be more real because of you. You never say anything to fill space, or anything you havn’t thought about. Incredible. Listening to you pray moves me. You are thoughtful, fluidic, and genuine.
You are the most beautiful woman I know. The most beautiful woman I know.

4. People tell us we look it all the time, but most days I do feel like you are truly my brother. Looking at you and your whole life, you have changed me. You change me daily. You (and above wife) are the most influential person in my spiritual life…I guess in all my life. I don’t think I understood unconditional love until I knew your freindship. Seriously. Your guys’ love for me blows me away. Your guys’ love for each other blows me away, and made me think marriage isn’t what I thought, good and bad (hahahaha). You encourage me to trust, to love, to believe. Man I could go on. I don’t have words to tell all of who you are to me. I love you.

5. Ah the mild saga that is our frienship. But keeps getting richer and better with everything. I know I told you this, but you are the friend who I’ve learned the most about myself from. You are a great mirror, an amazing sounding board, and when you don’t give the stupid side hugs, the best hugs come from you too. I am thrilled for you in your life right now. I don’t think I’ve really told you that. I’m so happy that you get to experience all of it, and I’m jealous of that alone, because I want it too. You make me laugh like no one. You make me see life like no one. You are selfless, generous (!), patient, cautious, truthful. 4 years and going. Potatosaladbearsgraffititelecasterboy. Again, I could say more and more. But these are just words. My friend from life.

6. You have always loved me, since coming into my life when I was 15. You’re home has always been open for me, and your kids have been my kids. You have insane amounts of compassion and generosity. Your love to be a mom, to bloom where you’re planted, is a huge example of strength and love. One of many I see in your house and marriage and ministry. I love that you’re friendships see no age borders. I love you that you let me come over with incredibly short notice (or none at all!) and eat the damn fish crackers and drink iced tea.

7. You totally came into my life out of nowhere, full force and it was beautiful. Sneaking off from MI to have talks. Driving out to see you in SK was the one of the best times in my life. Well, not the driving part, but the seeing you on Sunday morning and crying out of fatigue and stress. Falling asleep on your bed and couch listening to sigur ros. Our frienship has taught me redemption. And about forgetting about the shitty stuff and loving anyways. Hmm, that sounds like we slept with each others men. Well we all know how that will never be the case! I love loving you. I love hashing out ideas with you. I love borrowing your books. I love that you make me think about things like I’ve never thought, with one well thought out sentence. I hope you get to eat schnitzel.

oh fuck.

two (more) reasons why vancouver is the place for me.
one. i totally found the raddest laundromat ever today on commercial drive. crazy aware hippy mexicans. and pretty affordable.
two. i watched a woman walk by with a camcorder duck taped to her foot.

sun. 

your psyche can't remain so far beyond my comprehension for long.
like a lioness.
preparing to pounce.
you are my meaty gizelle. ARH!

today the weather has no control in which
to call its own.
it changes soley at the whims of my uterus.
all the while muttering under its breath
fuck edgeley, get some stability.

oh sweet jesus.
i need vegitables. lots of vegitables. only vegitables.


hmm. or cinnamon toast crunch. in inconceivable quantities.

HOLY MOLY
i don't think i've ever seen rain this heavy before.
so i had to go outside.
i am a drowned rat.
its so heavy.
here comes heavy rain. come for cleansing.
sounds like heavy rain. come for cleansing.
downpour on my head.
wash me down the mountain stream where i can find peace of mind.
its coming down
its coming down
its coming down
heavy heavy heavy rain
heavy heavy heavy rain

SABOTAGE!!!!!!!! julie, i almost stuck your chocolate-face picture up here to freak you out, but it was too complicated, so i emailed it to you. now you can do what you want with it.

oh, i am so in control of your blog now, and it will make you crazy because i wouldn't tell you my password. muhahahahahaha i am evil!

bubb

(it's all about control, baby)

this mouse is a dream.
thanks poo poo.

update THIS.
centennial beach for the b's bday/grad.
rosy cheeks and sandy feet.
it was pretty crazy at dusk when the mosquito's came out of nowhere..and in full force.
but i'm nicely worn out.

i need to learn now how to be open/real even when i have people around me who make me put up walls. i'm not sure how to do this.
its like i don't even want to be real with these people.
but somewhere in there is, that community is exactly that...fighting through walls and defences..even though i'm vehemently opposed.

blair and candace got married tonight. wooo!
julie got adobe photoshop thing with a webpage design program from ben for the mosaic website. wooo!
j: so where is she going to (hypothetically) live?
b: not sure. i hear its pretty cheap to live in sin these days.

comon comon
julie pick out the ham from your soup.
julie its no good for youp.

experiemental roll number one failed failed failed.
celeste's camera has no light meter and i'm just no good at winging it.

i just got home.
i havn't been out this late in a while.
oh good. i'm not old.
les belles de quebec.
their last night.
for beer in a basement pub.
then on kits beach until now.
shooting stars.
mellow ocean.

'what if we accept homosexuals into the church.
what will happen??
people's live will get changed! thats what will happen.
they'll hear jesus and god will speak to their hearts..
if he doesn't want 'em to be gay then the holy spirit can handle that.
but for some reason we've made that our battle, our fight
like its up to us?!
thats not what god's called us to do!
god calls us to love people.'



for dave.

i just wanted it on mine too.
i live in no one's shadow.
buuuut i did swipe this pic from benny's blog.
i'm acutally in the picture. so its good.

 

guy in car at light "you need to get a muuuuuffflerrrrr!"
me in car : "i knoooooooooow!"

just got back from dropping in at the french girls house. they came they leave. all of about two monthes. genevieve, marie claude and marie claude.
i adore them. they make me laugh and they make me love humanity. and life, just because they are so excited about it.
and they are probably funniest when they are hungover. they will sing you happy birthday. just because.
so, to the frenchies.
who make talking in a french accent unavoidable.

tonight i was talking to my friend lisa about our church, mosaic.
about how small the community is, and how that leaves no room for anything but who you really are.
and how for both of us, its the only church in our whole lives that celebrates brokeness, and the redemption therein.
then she sited the example of an aquantiance that came to mosaic, and didn't like it beacuse it was too personal. too intimate. she prefered the anominity of a regular, lots of people, service.
and i thought to myself, thats so true. so many put on masks to the one place we should be celebrating the shit thats behind the mask.
we go to receive. we shallowly commune with those we know and those we're comfortable with.
i don't think i even knew what being apart of the body really meant until mosaic. where we celebrate, as part of the worship, rowans one year sobreity.
and its not like i'm always comfortable, but i'm at peace with that struggle.

so.
pedro was incredible.
i was surged with this emotional energy in the last half of the last song.
would someone please tell me the story of sinners ransomed from the fall. i still have never seen you and somedays i don't love you at all.
peace be still. peace be still. peace be still.
i'm alive again.
i'm alive again.

tilly and the wall gives an amazing show.
incredibly creative. as the b put it, 'this is about as far as it goes creative wise'.
my eyes and my ears were so happy so take in tilly and the wall.
the percussion was steel garbage cans and a stick, some morroca's, and the tap dancer. the tap dancer. (!!)

aaand
cindy hunter!

some days i feel like life is so simple.
some days i feel like life is so complex.
today is the latter.
too much so.

i just watched one of the worst movies i've seen in a looong time.
i'm not even going to tell you what it is because i'm so embarrassed.

tommorow is the pedro show. 
saturday is a full day. mosaic. some worship down on the beach maybe. fireworks. and then monday is the stat holiday..but ai! i'm not working. no time and half for julie. but i think i still get the whole extra day of pay because i'm a full timer.

i had a good day today. i feel like i've had the whole day off.  really nice.
so back to the 6-2 grind tommorow. and off to bed i go. thats right, i'm going for just under 8 hours tonight.
unatainable? oh no my dear ones. some times dreams do come true.

you took off my mask..
and filled me with joy. 

i thought this was pretty. i found it surfing blogs and now i don't remember how to find it again. 

i'm still awake.
the wind is blowing on my face neck and hands.
just a little shiver.
just a little while longer
then i can sleep.

i just did dishes that have been sitting around my kitchen area for waaay over a week.
is marriage even an option for me? HO!

don't believe a word i say
shoop shoop shoop bring me breakfast on a tray.

i love blueberries short and tall
i love blueberries from the safeway at the mall
i love blueberries firm and tart
goin through my system
and then they make me (tee hee)

i went to the beach again
i went to the beach again
i went to the beach again
i made myself a special mix,
i made myself a nice sandwich
some blueberries
some writing stuff
some reading stuff
ooooooo baby. breathe deep the breath of god.

my feet are sandy as i sit here.
probably i should rinse them off.
little work picnic down at kits point.
i walked back to my car on the shore.
took long. good relax.
sandy feet.

what? you can't classify me like that.  (enraged)
ok fine. we'll talk about it now. i don't think we're in a position to get marrried right now. 
hey guys. courtney love isn't doing so well hey? (quite concerned)
 
picking up brock from the airport was fun.  lunch.  making some rad mixes.  business meeting. krispy kreme. and now mellow guitar. oh its a good day. a good last day off. 
 
jesus fest was a good chunk of time this weekend. the sun made us hang out at the river lots which was rad.
good little community with some new buds from washington.
good little community with established friendships.  
 
i'm back to work tommorow and i'm not dreading it.  god bless us everyone.

i'm almost real
i mostly mean it
i will though.
i just need a little bit.

good things looming.
good things in my midst.
every good and perfect gift.

i'm still pulsating from my run.
i took a nap this afternoon so i could stay up until 11 watching amazing race.
and now i have some left energy.
i hope this all works out for me at 5.30 am. haheee.

karmyn is in the town. she brought with her some retardedly good music from the peg. i almost fell off my chair.
as soon as i get it on my computer i'll try and let you listen.
ya, i almost fell of my chair. really good.

hey nostradamus! is a great read thus far. but coupland never lets me down.

small group ce soir was great. praying for each other and i got a really cool word from stephen. i was peaced.
tommorow is, i fear, a loooong day down at granville island
and then off to hang out with the kids at jericho.
then celeste.

something else.
the other day i was listening to a girl named bethra preach it
and i was moved by what she was saying about a certain breed of christians. kind of in the context of how you "evangelize" (haaate that i just used the word)
about how, when you really really believe something is true, is truth, then it does not matter what the person next to you belives.
how there are so many christians out there who never connect with people who are not like themselves.
or if they do, its for the purpose of telling them about god.
and how for her, living her life, connecting with lots of people who are not like her, the way jesus comes out of her mouth is totally easy going and about her life, and jesus in it.
and i thought, yes. sister.
this is the breakthrough truth i have found this last year. it is truth.

and then she went on to say how hard it is for her to love 'those kind of' christian friends in her life.
and i thought, yes. sister.

i just got back from a really cool dinner with my friend michelle. she just got back a little bit ago from touring, and i just plain hadn't seen her in a while.
incredible.
we connected tonight over some rad stuff, and had some really good conversation.
it seems like i've been connecting with people more and more lately. and soemwhat random people. and, in some instances, i never see it coming.
but its been really refreshing. and everytime it happens, i feel like gods sayin
"hey kid. i know you know, but i surround you."

i had a really good independant day off. some shopping, went and saw saved!. and laughed my aaassssss off. and at the end, i just sat there and said, that is a beautiful movie. its great. everyone go see it.

do you know what i want?
i want justice--oceans of it.
i want fairness--rivers of it.
that's what i want. that's all i want.
amos 5.24

here i am in chilliwack. nothing moves here.
i went and saw my sister at work..
now i'm home doing some laudry.
i had planned to be here earlier, but as i left vancouver, i kept stopping places. it was funny and i din't get here until like 7.30.
tommorow is yet another wedding.
but thats ok because i get to pull out the dress of wonders again. its being cleaned and primped as i speak.
today i had a smoothie milk shake thing that made me go "ahhh hey i can do this..nothing elaborate, nothing exotic"
so from today forward i shall become one of those people who keeps their blender on the counter.
isn't it funny, the only time you really want to excersise is when you can't. here i am without my running shoes, and support, ahem.
ALTHOUGH it just dawned on me. dude! i'm at my house! it has a pool! i'm swimming laps. yeeeeah. swimming doesn't feel like real excerise to me.
its like candy exerise. yeeehaw.
i'm getting sick. throat. some nose stuff. some soreness.

i'm about to leave now for my mini break.
i'm hanging out with my sister tonight and then on to some love in the sugar shack.
and on saturday to penticton for hil and adj's weddin.
wowee i'm excited.

the downfall of humanity, or rather, what shows the ugly ugly side of most people, is the art of free samples. sampling. its food. its free.
watching people go for samples makes me want to ram my head into the lovely stone hearth oven.
and americans.

today i picked strawberries for my breakfast in bare feet.
then me and a dog with the same name as my sister played outside. mostly just lied there.
also a good chat with papamel about church stuff and ministry stuff.
then i came home and...
bought the most beautiful dress in the whole world. i am so excited.
(excitment comparable to going to a thrift store and getting a bag full of incredible stuff for 20 bucks. what? sure is.)
i am willing to lay down my life for this dress.

i made myself buy a new journal.
the step towards healing i finally accepted.
i was in denial for a while there.
like i would just have to glance over my shoulder and there he'd be, sitting on my desk.
but he's not coming back.
i still don't think i really believe it, not with my heart, not yet.
but, i bought a new one.
6.50. opus on granville island.
gotta keep moving on, you know?

oh honesty.

the girl, she is satisfied.
stomach, and for the moment, soul.
out for my dear friend samantha's 29th at foundation.
killer, killer vegan carrot cake from sweet cheribim.
sam's going to be a mom in a bit, and i love to love her.

the end.

i learned a new word today and i wrote it on my hand so i would remeber what it was and that i would use it.
egregious. egg-ree-shee-ous. it means morally repugnant.

i went over for breakfast (sort of) yesdterday at the ivanhoe. a good walk and talk with the b.

i also 'preached' last night at mosaic. execpt that i had emailed my notes to myself so i could print them off at the church..and it totally got garbled in the transition. so i wung it. ha.

i also got a bracelet today out of the lost and found at work. it is very pretty.

god is reasurring me that i will be ok. both in that i'm absolutly broke for a week, and in that i'm incredibly restless at this moment. i want to move..to do soemthing different..maybe i don't. maybe its just this moment. this is about right..it usually happens at this time of year. the thing is too, that i've got some rad rad commitments going on that i'm excited to be apart of..but the restlessness stirs.

last night went to a housewarming bash for my friend michelle. it was so hip i didn't know what to do.
but then people i knew came and, whew,
i was hip too.
my default setting when it comes to guys, is being weired out. i can't handle any sort of interaction i'm uncertain about.
julie says read blue like jazz. happy.
julie says get to the foundation before it gets to busy. sad.
julie is speaking the word next week and she's a little worried.
julie is listening to eisley.
ben is at ivanhoe.

falooooooooog.
what?
today i went to work. working on a monday makes for some good chitty chitty chat chat.
then i went the b's. photographically wrote a letter to my favorite new mom.
i made art.

and my 'ring' toe on my right foot (i just had to make an L with my hands to know which was my right foot) randomly stops having blood circulate to it..goes all white, a little numb. and i, for the life of me, can't make it fleshy colored again.
oi.

oh yah and i wasn't at work
BECAUSE I'M SIIIIIIICK.
so sick.
my head. she is not apart. of my bode-ay.
and my nose. she is out. of comeeeeesion.

not working on sundays is turning into this great, random phenom.
and they have, both times now, ended up at the cowies for bbq.
and i don't complain, she says.
out for lunch with 2 toons, 3 frosts and a cec. good.
one quick power rest.
one great shower.
bring your own supper was da-vine with this halibut thats been sitting in my freezer for a few monthes.
some good literature/kids in the hall chats.
three delightful children running around. one funky by name, funky by nature kid, artemis. what a hoot.
HOOOTenannny.
now i'm home. and i'm cold for the third night in a row. but at least its only nine, so i have time to warm up before sleep. i hate hate going to bed cold..cold feet. makes me go crazy.

love julie

free cecil rast.

ahhhhhh. just got back from the lotus lounge with some work kids. they have this most incredible booth, a deep U shape, plush like nobody's business, great for conversations about the dalai lama, christianity, familes, card games, such things. they had a dj spinning/scratching..on a teusday night. it was nearly clear why they gave him the teusday nights. but way to go, support your up and coming dj's.

sunday night i hung out with my friend jen from school who is interning at a church over on the northshore. went and checked out russ rosen at the backstage lounge, (saw some ash and kenton's), then a yummy, late supper at the foundation. and i credit that supper for the oddness and imajinative complexity of my dreams that night.

i've had a rad time in my life lately, connecting to people's lives as a christian. connecting in a way where i'm me and real and not some punk suffering from fetal christian syndrome. god has graciously allowed me to be comfortably vulnerable with some cool people about jesus and my faith..and not felt like a tool.

so now its my weekend
and she rests.

"whatchoo gonna do at a prom junior? you won't even kiss the neighbor girl!"

true story. jlew. minnisota. broken car. took a bus. took a plane. got home later. no oil in car. stupid boy.

THIS has me all up in a fuss
erica had a beautiful daughter on good friday.
her name is mackenzie but i'm calling her mac
what right do i have...oh not lots..

i'm lucky in my life for people who show me what real life looks like.
or rather, people who are real with me day in and out with aspects to jesus, faith, marriage, freedom..such things.
it seemed like, for most of my life, i never saw real.
or maybe i did, maybe i didn't know what it was.
but i do know that now, i walk my life a little wiser, more assured.
more assured that everything's easy, everything's hard, everything's worth it.
peace perfect peace

i'm trying to remember what he said..
"wow! look at that guys musceled butt! nice work buddy"

cypress day yesterday was greeeat. i am now a carver instead of a featherer. mostly. anyways, i'm sore.
my vehicle has pushed itself one more notch on the annoying meter..something went clink coming down the mountain and now its like there is no muffler. sooo loud. anyone know any reputable garages? help.

dudes i havn't been as tired as i was yesterday in a long time. usually when i think i'm so tired, i go home, and i get like a second wind. but yesterday..man, no teeth brushing..just into bed. a good 10 sleep. i have to work in two hours. i'm still yawning, i think its because i'm hungry.

man!
i am enjoying this weather. hey? how about you?
sunday i called in sick from work, completly burned out from the previous two days of an insanly busy granville island.
went to a great palm sunday at 10th, a nice patio lunch
then we went to riley park and cheered on our friends kid jackson in his t ball game. it was such a beautiful day and it was cutest thing i've ever seen. me jaydn cheered for jacks and practiced our jumping.
went back to said kid's house for yummy bbq salmon and relaxed with the wine and some good chat.
i'm so glad i took that day off.

last night i chatted with sugar shack hep cat outside in my camping chair, enjoying the pre summer dusk.
TOMMOROW i'm going snowboarding. yeeehaw.
today not much tho..just went and bought some nails and screws and eggs. i spent 3.27 in total. intresting no?
breakfast for supper anyone?

ok go here
it will also from thus forward be a link on the right.
buddy blair
wielder of all things videographerish
never seen without decent shoes
or a hat. he always has hats it seems. i don't think he's balding at all.
huh. anyways. really cool bud of mine.
also in our small group.

ah kids, its media week here on the blog. articles to read, words to listen to, more to come lets hope lets hope. i'm about to sit down at watch 21 grams now. i got some new shoes today. they were not two dollars. i've had a harder week, but thats when he likes to show his faithfulness the most. i marvel.

"i want to expierience christ to the fullest. you know, and i don't want to be distracted by..so oftan, its so easy to let morals or convictions or just certain things in life, to rob us of and experience with christ because we're expected to live a certain way, and act a certain way and talk a certain way and experience a certain way..but when you trust christ, christ might put something on your heart thats completley different!....
but in order for us to be willing to be obedient to christ and say stuff thats just not all the same old church stuff and all the same old stuff that we grew up with, for us to hear a new voice, and to bring the message of christ but what he's telling us now what he's got for us now, we've got to learn to trust in him, so those roots can go deep....

..sometimes its just time to shut the hell up, plug your ears, and listen to god. (he talk in your brain, he can make it through ears)"

go listen to this its 'starving bakker'

"..you wield your sword rather than following it where ever it falls."
".. because the purpose is to influence the darkness with light, not to just visit it."
talking about a certain level of arts in the christian context. these two lines jumped out at me.
really glad i read this article.

read it.

today i didn't get productive until about 10.30 pm.
i completly organized my closet.
today doesn't feel like monday. or rather, it doesn't feel like monday night.
more like a sunday night.
i got a letter from a lovely girl in winipeg. she's my favorite.
i had a good catch up with a friend on saturday night. ran into each other on a bus and ended up skytraining all the way out to surrey together. yo.

i'm so tired. i'm so wired.
this entry is pointless.
i went to wi on sat night as well. beatboxing. is that how you spell it? right on. right. on.

long hair.
butt crack.
inevitable.
whats the big deal?

got back from seeing some bands at the main
early, i admit, but i choose to ere on the side of getting up for work on time
as it were, out the seven people in the three bands, six of them were from chilliwack
mostly in gr 12 when i was tenth
and so the whole crowd was oddly familiar faces.
one of the guys in the first band was a 'from afar admiration' for me
and tonight i applauded my own good taste, even when i was in piddly gr 10
there is something to be said for all these tall lanky musicians

its funner doing nothing at someone else's house.
you end up eating yummy american doughnuts
and maybe your neck will get rubbed..or something..
nothingness is definatley more fun elsewhere. but only if you were planning on nothingness in the first place. cause then it could totally be anti climatic. AND the elsewhere generally has to be someone's house. you know, a certain level of comfortness that come with books and couches and kitchen sinks and cutco knives.
i have to pee. bye.

look at me. eating a cranberry tart. i am a tart.
tart. tart.

you don't have to believe me, you probalby don't even feel like considering it. but it will.
the words of a friend who alone (these days) has the ability to bring the good tears.

friggin friiiiiiig. i just took out my garbage. ooo ee i'm so independant. someone stop me.
i was laughing because i couldn't get all the garbage into one can. i produce so much waste!! ah ha ha. i was kneeling on the garbage to make it squish. all by myself in a dark alley.
i also bought groceries. and yet again i fall victim to shopping when i'm hungry. crap!
i also bought life is beautiful (original italian thank you very much) for 3.99 and circle of friends on dvd for 6.99.
god is a dj. life is a dancefloor. love is the rhythm. god wants me to shake my ass. i believe it!

i went for a walk.
totally a mild quiet night.
i walked by a guy on his porch in a fleece reading a book.
and i thought, me too.

wow. pedro show was the best thing i've seen in a while.
i was tired and worn from the day..
the show was my hot supper, slippers, daily paper, and loving doggie waiting for me at the foot of my chair by the fire.

there have got to be some opera's with some good character development.

oi i worry to much. and then stress about it.
chill out julie, chill out.
had my friends over for dinner to celebrate moya naissance.
it was a good day with my sister, and true to her nature, calmed my stress with her presence..laughed with me, just served, deboned the chicken when i thought it was boneless as i freaked out at both the grossness of it and at the time.
then bub and her started and finished the dishes respectivly...
it was a good night.
boing boing boing snap. boing boing boing snap. spring break.
listening to: high and dry...oh the bends. such an album.
but birthday week has not yet come to an end.
friday is alana symphony/opera and then saturday night all my musical dreams come true. oh you know.

"kill your tv's today"
"tv can kiss my ass"
"tv...what a waste of life"
"up yours, tv"
"sigh...tv" (shaking head)
"I HATE TEEEEE VEEEEE" (shaking fist)

i have taken to quoting brock. only because he's so damn funny.

hey.
blogging isn't as fun as it used to be.
so, sorry.


nobody likes a selfish bastard.
thats the name of the sermon i'm listening to right now..passion/truth/bad words..

my toaster electrocuted me.
at first i didn't know what it was
but i figured it out pretty quick.

198 flavors of gelato?
vegan cheesecake?
julie's first falafel?
why, she must have been on commercial drive today.
she was hanging out with her friend olivia
olivia's heading off to europe to work for PETA
then going to work on a farm in the czech republic

just saw the corporation. amazing.
beyond what it tells you to be aware of,
it, and companion, also got me thinking about other stuff too.
i think, in an attempt to hold the banner of love for all people,
there are fears in me about having concrete opinions..i've shyed away from a stand, equalling a stand with closemindedness.. maybe..?
while i still claim openmindedness above all..
i don't know
i need to put some intention in some topical reading.

sorry for the aparent choppiness.

well it was the makings of the laziest day this week has seen.
with laziness is bound to come boredom, and he came in around 5 in sunday best.
so faced with the prospect of dealing with him
my ass went and did three loads and 5.25 dollars of laundry
my ass made a mediocre curry veg supper
my ass went for a run
my ass got the video returned on time
my ass is suffering heartburn from the curry/run combo
my ass will actually suffer from the curry/veg/run combo later.

i love days when god lets the uniquness and the beauty of people hit me in the face
instead of customer 104, i get bearded guy giving off smiles for no real reason at all.
or old man calling me deary, as if its the most natural thing, simpley because of my smile and my youngness.
its especially good when i'm having a really frustrating day.. salve of the holy spirit to calm.

(i just reread that and i feel like my friend melissa..heymelwhasup?)


whenever i go over to people's houses, i inevitably find myself mentally rearranging the furnature and wall decor to make it better. i do this everywhere. sorry.

ok i have to get ready for mosaic now. i'm still in caramel clothes and runners.

oh ya, my friend olivia and me just finished reading the harry potters books at the same time, so work the last few days has been continuous discussion, a few bouts of trivia, and uncontrolable giggling at our nerdiness. there is a white board at work that has all the days workers listed, and when you go for your break, its somehow indicated beside your name (a heart, a star, blah blah). me and olivia have been drawing elaborate pictures of us as characters from harry potter..e.lab.or.ate. and then we pee ourselves laughing some more. seriously, we're FUNNY.

today an old couple were in line to buy bread.
the man randomly put his arm around his wife's head and kissed it.
i'd like that please.

damn these stupid tests, of which i condemn, but boredom is a gravitational force to be reckoned.
however, this one was educational. i felt like i was taking my lit provincial aaaall over again.
if you're literarily inclined,
check out
http://poetry.com/Iq/index.asp
and take this craaaaazy quiz (where they surprise you at the end and make you submit your own poem for evaluation before they give you the score..heads up)

Your General Poetic Knowledge Score is 11 out of a possible 11
"You have an excellent grasp of poetic form, structure, and technique. People at this level have generally taken advanced-level study in literature or have completed advanced poetry courses. They have often spent considerable time writing, developing their own poetic “voice,” and their own techniques. People at this level, particularly if they can apply their knowledge of poetic form and structure to their own work, are considered among the most talented of poetic artists."

mmmhmmm. thas right baby, thas right.

"Sin is incurable by the strength of man, nor does free will have any validity here, so that even the saints say: 'The evil which I do not wish, this I do.' 'You are not doing the things which you wish.' 'Since my loins are filled with illusions,' etc."

You are Martin Luther!
Yeah, you have a way of letting everyone know how you feel, usually with Bible quotes attached, and will think your way through the issues, although sometimes you make no sense! You aren't always sure of yourself, and you can change your mind about things, something you actually consider a strength. You can take solitude, especially with some music.

http://steve.faithweb.com/Quiz/theologian.html



hey, right on. i've always felt a little kindred with luth. i mean, who needs the book of james anyway??

i went for a run today.
1/2 hour.
i didn't run for all of it,
but definatly more than half.

the above words are stolen from a friend who in turn swiped them from his collection of sylvia plath works.

right now i am quite caught up in the harry potter series. and i'm overwhelmed by the greatness of them. i'm about 1/5 into the last one, and i find myself incredibly eager when i think about picking it up again. i finished the forth one the other night, crying because cedric diggory died, and then i couldn't stop thinking about it all the next day at work. there is some great literary merit to this author i tell you. i can't wait till some kids i know are just a little bit older and i can read these to them.

i ran into my long lost friend erica today on msn, she's having a daughter in a few monthes, and i feel so removed from her ottawa life..i havn't seen her in almost two years.
its so crazy to have three years of incredible, nearly effortless friendships, living together in regina. and now three years worth of friends are spread all over canada and u.s...a few gone global. its hard..but i welcome it, because, well, i do. gives me a trip to winnipeg to look forward to. =)

ok. here is my rant against true loves waits and such shit.
lets get together thousands and thousands of youth, get them all riled up about how sex should be saved for marriage and get them to sign a contract with god saying they will save themselves.
well i'm going to sign a contract with god saying that i will kill the next thing that walks out my door as a sacrifice. oh look its my daughter..ah well, bang bang.
rallying up soo many kids to say 'sure can do it on my own, gonna sign some paper to show i will'... says that there is no place for the grace and forgivness that jesus rains down.
its like the embodiment of the antichrist.
do not make contracts with god. we have the one that stomps them all. jesus christ.
we cannot do anything on our own. it is christ that lives in me. and we signed that bad boy, book of life kids.
instead of telling god what we will do, lets further acknowlage our brokeness, our filth, and our complete dependance on his mercy that knows no impatience, on his love that knows no winds of change.

i see more frayed ends to something i've seen severed for years
something i'm beginning to see though the eyes of my life
but then, actually,
my life is part of that something..
and i begin to see why it can hurt so much.

julie's trivial traumatic experience of the day

this morning on my way out the door for work, i put on my beloved gold/tan zip hoodie.

some hoodie history:
was purchased the summer of 2001, almost three years ago.
this hoodie has been single handedly the greatest cut of cloth i own.
its color went with EVERYthing, layered well, dressed up, dressed down.
there is no hestitation in saying its my favorite. my favorite everything.
i love this hoodie.

and on my way out the door, i went to zip it up (its how she likes to be worn), and fwoop! the zipper head came flying off as the end of the zipper, from loving wear and tear, had frayed itself off.
i actually stood in shock, i couldn't scream, i couldn't cry, everything just stopped. it was awful. i didn't know what to do.

it is almost time for bed.
tommorow i go back to work from a nice four day weekend.
i had a great weekend with so many people and intresting places.
some of these places and people are:
cobalt. eeee. juststay..away from me.
cypress. (i am the bunny hill conquerer).
heidi's couch. heidi's fish crackers.
abby. ('this is how you do a dum plee-ay')
vanesssssssa and her house.
foundation restuarant. (x2)
dave "we all need to pick theme songs to go through our head while we go down"***
wongs noodle house.
kelly "i need a frosty" "i'm going to langley to pick up pictures so shut up"
jojojojojojojojojojojojojojojo. we're the coolest people ever. apparently banjos=humor. i'm not sure.
my chilliwack couch, watching identity. holy crap.
lephen and stisa. and davemyers-"it will look like real shit, and it will look like a real stick"

ok there is my weekend. i'm reading some really good books right now...the library has re-accepted me into its fold since i paid off my 14 dollar fine-yikes. but i'm glad to be back. last week my friend stephen bought me a star trek calender and so today i found a johnny cash calender for him.
i have no idea why he bought me a star trek calender...they're actually might be a small idea.

***my theme song was originally the monkeys theme song "here we come.." you know, but then i got told that, with a song like that, its no wonder i kept bailing. 'you gotta slow the beat down'..so my real song ended up being a little ditty by karen carpenter.. (minus all that crap at the beginning about birds suddenly appearing)
we've only just begun, to live.
white lace and promises. a kiss for luck and we're on our way. (we've only begun..)
before the rising sun, we fly. so many roads to choose, we start out walking and learn to run (and yet we've just begun)
sharing horizons that are new to us, watching the signs along the way....
talking it over just the two of us. working together day by day
and when the evening comes we smile
so much of life ahead, we'll find a place where theres room to grow
and yes we've just begun.

its SO TRUE..augh. i mean, i wore white lace and everything.

yesterday i ate the best sandwhich that i've ever had in my whole life.
so i had it again for dinner.
and again for lunch today.

today i sold food to jay ferguson (sloan)and jason lee.
my shallow celebrity encountering life is complete.

i think i'm a big talker.
i'm either the first or the last to notice.
i have lots of ideas of what i want to do..ideals, idealisms, a design class..
they come right out my mouth to a few great sounding boards, and then everyone else
but they stay that way.
a good chunk of reason is owing to forgetting.. getting too caught up in current life to follow through
but all is heard is words, and then nothing.
i'm restless. what else is new.
its a restlessnes that goes beyond my current circumstance
its got of my past, present, hopes, dreams, regrets..
deeply rooted,
proclaimed good.

where has all the thyme gone.
and the rosemary.
today i was a prep. cook.
hung out with the cool pastries and preppies.
my boss was eardly. i cannot for the life of me understand about half of what he says. i just smile or laugh if i see him smiling or laughing and for this reason he loves me and thinks i am the most wonderful secratary.

i'm feeling the winds of some change these days. it seems everywhere i look, things are beckoning me to think more broadly about..well, life i guess, but things in life. aspects of life.

i got my ass in action last week and learned to snowboard.. and now my ass is paying. and my tum tum. and my upper back and shoulders. i was hoping to be the glorious exception to the "all new boarders spend the whole first day on there ass" rule.